Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

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These bad guys are always late.

- They'll be here.

When, Tony?

We've been sitting here two hours.

The meeting's been planned for weeks.

They'll be here. Be patient, alright?

Yeah, so will the Easter bunny,

and my next birthday!

And guess what...

It's about goddamn time!

Got the money?

No, food stamps.

- I don't trust this dude.

I deal in stolen merchandise.

I'm not very trustworthy.

You show up late...

and then you ask dumb questions.

- Could be a cop.

Or Elvis or the Wizard of Oz.

Do you want to deal or not?

Alright, show him the stuff.

Come on. Hurry up. I'm late.

Back off!

- Really?

Police! Stop!

Nobody listens.

Tony, get over here!

Come on!

I'm hit.

Where? I can't move my leg.

It's not your leg,

you've got glass in your ass!

First these guys show up late,

and then they ask dumb questions.

Then they shoot you in the ass.

They're pissing me off!

Beginner's luck!

Joe, she's not in.

- She's in, I know it.

Then why don't she answer?

Knows it's me. She's just watching

the phone ring and not answering.

I can feel it.

She's trying to grind me down.

You're crazy, Joe.

You're out of your tiny Jersey mind.

Hey, it's Detective Alka-Seltzer!

- Not today, okay, Ross.

Thanks, Ray. - Is it true

you used Tony's butt for cover?

Boy, there's a butt

I could use for cover.

Watch what you say about Gwen.

- About "Gwen"?

I'm sorry, Joe.

Are you and the lieutenant involved?

If I thought you were involved,

I never would have said a word.

Joe, Lieutenant wants to see you.

I think she's in a weird mood.

Lovers' tiff?

Morning!

- Sit down.

Know what I was just thinking about?

Remember Catalina? - Of course.

- Great weekend. - The best.

It was great because I was in love.

- Me too.

Remember what I said Sunday morning

when we were sitting on the terrace?

That you'd like me to nibble all...

- Not that.

I was the first man to...

The other stuff.

Oh, the feelings stuff.

Right.

Feelings and responsibilities stuff.

- Come on, Gwen.

If this is about the bust...

- I'm not talking about that fiasco.

You go out getting drunk,

while I stay up worrying!

You didn't call!

It was late.

Didnt want to wake you.

Here, hold this.

- Why?

Pretend we're talking business.

Dont want the precinct knowing.

I think they already know.

- What was I to think?

They said somebody got hit.

Then that Tony got hit

and you went to get more beer!

Honey, it's true.

I had a few drinks with the guys.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

That's funny, because Lou told me

you spent the evening on the phone.

So tell me,

who were you calling?

It sure wasn't me!

My mom.

Excuse me?

I was calling my mom.

You were calling your mom

at 2:
30 in the morning.

That's the most pathetic excuse!

Tell me who she is.

She isn't anybody, she's my mom.

It doesn't really matter.

Could be your mom or a Dial-a-Bimbo.

It's over! - You don't mean that.

- I mean every word.

It's embarrassing me in my work.

You run away from responsibility.

I'll pack your... - I'm not going to

listen to this. - Where you going?

Fishing!

Get back in here!

Get back in this office, Bomowski!

That's an order.

Mom, I know you're there.

Come on!

Please God,

make her pick up.

Okay, that's it.

I've had it. I've really had it.

I'm a dead man.

This the New York flight?

- Yes, coming out right now.

Relax, kid, relax.

I think that's him. Yeah, it is.

Little Joey!

You must be Joe?

- Yes. Why?

I was a bed-wetter too.

It was so sweet!

He said, "Mommy,

my pee-pee got stuck in my zipper!"

Joey! There's my Joey!

There's my little boy.

Come here!

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