Steve Martin and Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life

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Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome Steve Martin!

Thank you!

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Wow!

Thank you so much!

It's not necessary.

Thank you.

Thank you. Please be seated.

Marty couldn't make it.

Have a safe ride home.

Right off the top,

I want to apologize for ticket prices.

I know from your point of view,

you're thinking, "It's only two guys.

Why is it so expensive?"

But you know, it takes 18 people

to put this show on.

We have two sound engineers.

We have a lighting director.

We have seven musicians on stage.

We have someone to walk my Fitbit around.

We have an intermediary,

because Marty and I

no longer speak to each other.

We have a celebrity lookalike

in case I don't feel like going on.

Steve says hi, by the way.

But ladies and gentlemen,

right now I am so excited

to introduce a man I love to work with.

A man I met over 30 years ago.

A man...

a man...

a man who is...

a man who is so, so talented

in so many different ways.

He sings. He dances.

He's an incredible musician

and I consider him to be

the real star of the show tonight.

Mr. Jeff Babko on piano,

ladies and gentlemen.

- Thanks, Steve! You know, I thought...

- Thank you, Jeff.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

it's time to introduce a man

who's as funny as a barrel of monkeys...

But that's it.

Mr. Martin Short!

I love this end the best!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Just because I say "thank you"

doesn't mean you have to stop applauding.

I can't tell you how humble...

your response

makes a huge star like me feel.

Please be seated.

How are we on time?

- We just started.

- Oh, I see.

All we ask...

Damn this Greenville altitude!

Melissa!

- It's Jeff.

- Jeff!

Let's try that top note

one more time, shall we?

Damn! Son of a b*tch!

Thank you so much!

But stop loving just me.

Remember Steve's here too.

You know, Marty, it's been a long-time

dream of mine to perform a two-man show

right here at the Peace Center

with you in Grinville...

- Greenville!

- Grinville?

- Grinville!

- Grinville?

Greenville. You know, I shouldn't have

had that Motrin. Anyway...

In Greenville... South Carolina.

Tonight...

Anyway, tonight, I feel I am

one step closer to that dream.

You know what?

- Steve!

- Let's just leave that as is.

Steve, you'd tell me if you'd had

a stroke, wouldn't you?

But you're right. It is a thrill.

It's actually more than a thrill.

It's an obligation.

Steve and I call this show

If We'd Saved, We Wouldn't Be Here.

- Good night, everybody!

- Hey!

- Marty!

- No!

I looked online at the Peace Center

website and there were our photos

and across them were written the words

"sold out."

And I thought...

how rude.

Let me just say, Steve...

truthfully, what an honor it is

for me to be standing next to a man

who is a novelist, a playwright,

a musician, a composer...

and a legendary comedian.

And let me say what an honor it is for me

to be standing next to the man

who is standing next to that man.

You know, Steve, of all the people

that I have a fake show business

relationship with,

I feel fake closest to you.

Buddy!

Oh, by the way,

when Marty and I fly together,

we save a lot of money,

because Marty fits conveniently

in the overhead bin.

True. Absolutely true.

Let me just say, I am such a fan.

I mean, I see your work and I'm whelmed.

I think I've seen Cheaper by the Dozen

over 500 times.

Wow! Thank you!

Every time I see it,

I say the same thing.

"Steve, you know,

we could watch something else."

You know what I love about

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