
Steve Martin and Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life
Ladies and gentlemen,
Thank you!
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Wow!
Thank you so much!
It's not necessary.
Thank you.
Thank you. Please be seated.
Marty couldn't make it.
Have a safe ride home.
Right off the top,
I want to apologize for ticket prices.
I know from your point of view,
you're thinking, "It's only two guys.
Why is it so expensive?"
But you know, it takes 18 people
to put this show on.
We have two sound engineers.
We have a lighting director.
We have seven musicians on stage.
We have someone to walk my Fitbit around.
We have an intermediary,
because Marty and I
no longer speak to each other.
We have a celebrity lookalike
in case I don't feel like going on.
Steve says hi, by the way.
But ladies and gentlemen,
right now I am so excited
to introduce a man I love to work with.
A man I met over 30 years ago.
A man...
a man...
a man who is...
a man who is so, so talented
in so many different ways.
He sings. He dances.
He's an incredible musician
and I consider him to be
the real star of the show tonight.
Mr. Jeff Babko on piano,
ladies and gentlemen.
- Thanks, Steve! You know, I thought...
- Thank you, Jeff.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time to introduce a man
who's as funny as a barrel of monkeys...
But that's it.
Mr. Martin Short!
I love this end the best!
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen!
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Just because I say "thank you"
doesn't mean you have to stop applauding.
I can't tell you how humble...
your response
makes a huge star like me feel.
Please be seated.
How are we on time?
- We just started.
- Oh, I see.
All we ask...
Damn this Greenville altitude!
Melissa!
- It's Jeff.
- Jeff!
Let's try that top note
one more time, shall we?
Damn! Son of a bitch!
Thank you so much!
But stop loving just me.
Remember Steve's here too.
You know, Marty, it's been a long-time
dream of mine to perform a two-man show
right here at the Peace Center
with you in Grinville...
- Greenville!
- Grinville?
- Grinville!
- Grinville?
Greenville. You know, I shouldn't have
had that Motrin. Anyway...
In Greenville... South Carolina.
Tonight...
Anyway, tonight, I feel I am
one step closer to that dream.
You know what?
- Steve!
- Let's just leave that as is.
Steve, you'd tell me if you'd had
a stroke, wouldn't you?
But you're right. It is a thrill.
It's actually more than a thrill.
It's an obligation.
Steve and I call this show
If We'd Saved, We Wouldn't Be Here.
- Good night, everybody!
- Hey!
- Marty!
- No!
I looked online at the Peace Center
website and there were our photos
and across them were written the words
"sold out."
And I thought...
how rude.
Let me just say, Steve...
truthfully, what an honor it is
for me to be standing next to a man
who is a novelist, a playwright,
a musician, a composer...
and a legendary comedian.
And let me say what an honor it is for me
to be standing next to the man
who is standing next to that man.
You know, Steve, of all the people
that I have a fake show business
relationship with,
I feel fake closest to you.
Buddy!
Oh, by the way,
when Marty and I fly together,
we save a lot of money,
because Marty fits conveniently
in the overhead bin.
True. Absolutely true.
Let me just say, I am such a fan.
I mean, I see your work and I'm whelmed.
I think I've seen Cheaper by the Dozen
over 500 times.
Wow! Thank you!
Every time I see it,
I say the same thing.
"Steve, you know,
we could watch something else."
You know what I love about
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"Steve Martin and Martin Short: An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 28 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/steve_martin_and_martin_short:_an_evening_you_will_forget_for_the_rest_of_your_life_18882>.