Stag

Synopsis: Ken Andrews (Faison) has been the orchestrator of the hazing pranks at all of his buddies' stags - elaborate, hilarious pranks that have left many emotional scars and a few physical ones. And now today is Ken's stag! He nervously awaits the fate that his pals surely have in store for him, comforted only by the knowledge that Carl (Pat Thornton) will be there to watch his back. That is, so long as Carl can extract himself from the Hollywood celebrity, Veronica (Amurri). Ken will soon discover that payback is worse than he could ever imagine.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Brett Heard
Production: Phase 4 Films
  3 wins & 5 nominations.
 
IMDB:
4.0
R
Year:
2013
84 min
10 Views

One for the money

Two for the show

Three to get ready

And go

[ laughter ]

Okay

One for the money,

two for the show

Three to get ready,

four for the dough

One of the money,

two for the show

Three to get ready,

now here we go

Get get get back

Get g-g-g-get back

[ laughter ]

Live it up now,

live it up now

Live it up now

Yeah yeah yeah

Oh

Yeah yeah yeah

Oh

[ laughing ]

All right, he's

right in front of you.

Straight ahead.

Straight ahead.

Straight ahead.

[ bell rings ]

Straight ahead.

ALL:
Ohh!

[ laughing ]

Unh unh unh unh

Co-co-come on

Have a good time

Morning, sweetie.

How did you sleep?

Not good.

Tossed and turned

a lot.

Okay,

I've gotta say this.

You've been acting really

weird the last several days.

Like, really nervous

and on edge,

so I'm thinking

either you're having

second thoughts

about getting married,

or there's

a problem at work

you're not

telling me about,

or, I don't know, maybe

there's someone else?

Babe, come on,

don't be ridiculous.

Okay, well,

but there's something.

Because you've been like

this big sack of nerves

that's all twitchy and jumpy.

Honey,

I'm fine.

[ laughs ] Okay?

F*ck!

F*ck you, cereal!

F*ck you, cereal!

F*ck you, milk!

F*ck you guys toge-

F*ck!

F*ck! You

fucking piece of-

F*ck! Shit!

F*ck!

In the face!

F*ck!

Good afternoon, sir, hi.

My name is Luke Gordon,

and I'm calling from Janitors

Bucket Cleaning Service,

and I'm very excited

to be talking to you

about our exceptional

cleaning system.

Believe it or not,

we do have some people

in your building today

dealing with other clients,

and I was wondering-

No.

No, there's

no Janet here.

Janitor.

Yeah, it's Janitors Bucket

Cleaning Service, and-

Well, I can't take

a message for someone

who doesn't exist-

I'm calling you.

Sir, no, I can't-

No, there's no Janet.

I can't-

Go ahead. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll have her

call you, Fred. Bye!

Oh, shoot me in the face.

KEN:
It's

this stupid stag.

Wait, your stag?

How can that

be bothering you?

I thought that was,

like, every guy's dream.

Okay, babe, you've got

a great group of friends

that you've known

since you were, what, 16?

And I'm sure they're

anxious to see you tonight

and, you know, be part of

this special, memorable event.

Yeah, I bet they are.

So then why wouldn't

you be excited about it?

Two years ago,

I organized a group

that got Jason Albright

so drunk he passed out.

We stripped him

buck naked

and then covered

his ass in ice.

Ohh! [ laughing ]

KEN:
I then cut off

the top of a pineapple,

wedged that bad boy

into the crack of his ass

so it looked

like the whole pineapple

was shoved into his butt

and just the leaves

were sticking out.

I took a picture of it,

and then I circulated it

around the office.

Okay, now you're

just making that up.

You think

I'm making this up?

Mm-hmm.

You think this is-

Okay, I'm gonna show you

what I'm making up.

Here. [ laughs ]

Bam!

Oh!

It's my screen saver!

Oh! Oh, my God!

Yeah! I'm screwed!

Payback's a bitch, huh?

Rory,

what are you doing?

You know what

I have planned for Ken?

It's friggin' brilliant.

No, I don't know,

and, uh,

I'm not really

that concerned, so-

Wa-wait, you're going

to the stag, right?

No,

I don't think so.

I mean, I've got

a lot of work to do.

I've got to get through

these cold calls, so...

Okay, so you don't want

to go to the stag, or...?

Are you kidding me?

The last time

I saw a vagina,

it was when my daughter

was coming out of it.

Your daughter's 6.

I know.

You need

to come to this!

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Stag" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 14 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/stag_18723>.

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