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if there's a bed in the room.

- You're good at that.

- I used to be a cheerleader.

- Oh really?

- Mm-hmm.

So you took your pants off a lot?

- What?

- What?

You date the offense

or the defense?

Give me some credit.

Offense.

Offense.

- Mm-hmm.

- Quarterbacks?

- Receivers.

- Mm.

Took a bunch of acid once

and thought my dick was a Dolphin.

I hate the Dolphins.

I'm a Niners fan.

I don't know how I feel about that.

Feels like you like it.

That lady's crazy.

- Crazy good, right?

- No. Just crazy.

She almost got us killed...

trying to grab me,

get my zipper down...

while I'm driving.

- That's a problem?

- She's trying to f*** me

while I'm driving.

I need to see the road.

It's an important part

of driving.

Somebody's gotta make

the first move, man.

Yeah, well, she wanted to know

if you brought any girls

over to her house

when you were living there.

What'd you say?

What was I supposed to say?

All these things I can say,

things I can't say.

Sometimes I get confused.

What am I supposed to do?

Dude.

What am I supposed to do?

You're an a**hole.

I hate you.

Did you show her

the little red Corvette?

But of course... not.

Dude, you didn't f*** her?

How could you not f*** her?

- F*** you.

- She's got a magical p*ssy.

- Ain't nothing wrong with it.

- Oh because it's, what,

been worked on like 30 times maybe?

Hey, there's a spare bedroom here

if you want to stay.

- Yeah.

- Don't let me screw this one up, okay?

This is hot.

Yeah, this is pretty nice.

When you're rich,

it costs more money to stay rich.

I always follow up a meaningless f***

with a chatty phone call.

Keeps me in the game.

Most guys drop the ball

after they ball.

I look ahead.

An easy call the day

after a lay can go a long way.

Hola, amiga!

Lo siento por el mess.

- Hello?

- Hey, where are you?

- Uh, I'm at your house.

- Really?

So why didn't you answer the phone?

I called you twice last night.

You did?

How's New York?

These guys don't need

a lawyer. They need a babysitter.

So, listen, we have some friends

coming over on Thursday night.

We do?

We do.

Do you want to check your schedule?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Gina, how's my

Thursday night look?

Oh, that's sweet.

So we're on.

- We're on.

- Okay.

- Bye.

- Okay.

Bye.

The home team has first and 10...

Oh my God. You didn't tell me you live

at the top of the f***ing globe.

My car overheated,

so I walked up the hill.

This guy offers me a ride.

I say no, but he keeps

following me,

so I ran.

Oh my God.

Is that a ham?

I haven't eaten

since like Thursday.

Cornflakes.

I started this band...

me and this guy.

We tell everyone

we're brother and sister

and then we get

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