Song of the Thin Man

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

We sure get a genteel clientele

with these charity shindigs.

Especially the dames.

What class. What refinement.

What cultured tomatoes.

Get a load of that one.

Yoo-hoo.

Boys.

In polite society, we don't say "yoo-hoo."

We say "yoo-whom."

- Nick, hi.

- Hi.

You remember Mrs. Charles.

Hi.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

What are you doing at this clambake?

You ain't detectiving, are you?

Mrs. Charles thinks we should cultivate

some people who haven't served time.

She wants to create a proper atmosphere

for Nicky Jr.

Junior? How is the little squirt?

The little squirt is fine.

Thanks to your teaching...

he can crack any safe in town now

in 15 minutes.

Thirty-one and black.

Thirty-one and black. Mama, that's us.

You shouldn't talk that way to my friends.

They're sensitive.

I didn't mean to hurt them. I love them.

They're perfect gentlemen,

right down to their fingerprints.

I've got a great idea.

- What is it?

- Let's go home.

What's at home?

- You, my pipe, my slippers.

- I think you're slipping.

Darling, give me my pipe, my slippers

and a beautiful woman...

- and you can have my pipe and slippers.

- That's sweet. But we're staying here.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Buddy Hollis and his famous clarinet.

That reedman

is really whacked up tonight.

You'd be sporting a whack-job, too...

if you were carrying a torch like him

for that little cookie.

Take over, Maxie.

What's wrong?

Boat rocking too much for you?

Or is the reedman's condition

a little too tough to take?

The sensational Buddy Hollis.

Sounded more like a kid with a kazoo.

And his own tune, too.

It's bad enough

getting on the jumping juice...

disappearing for days,

forgetting where he's been.

He doesn't know where he is

when he gets back.

If you ask me, the guy has blown his top.

What do you expect

after the pushing around we gave him?

Maybe you'd like

to patch things up with him.

Wouldn't that be convenient for you and

the dames you've been chasing around?

You've been peeking.

I must have blown my top...

kicking Buddy over

for a road-company Casanova like you.

There you are.

Bandstand too crowded for you?

Maybe you'd like me

to bring the boys out here.

Sorry, bossman.

You mind taking the girlfriend with you?

Ex-girlfriend.

Brings sunshine into everyone's life,

doesn't he?

Stay out in that sunshine long enough,

you get a third-degree burn.

Where are you going?

I can't stand that oily kisser of yours

too long without another drink.

- Sit down.

- What do you mean?

I said, sit down.

Boys, you'd better get on there.

Hurry up. Come on.

Buddy, darling.

Get him up. He's not hurt.

Get him out of here. He's all right.

You didn't have to hit him.

I should have let him

crease my scalp with that clarinet.

He's beat. He couldn't lift it that high.

- What did you expect me to do?

- Just what you did.

- He's through. Get him out.

- Wait a minute.

I don't want any part of him. Get him out.

What goes on here?

Trying to turn this boat

into a fishing barge?

Relax. The band is my business.

On this boat, it's my business.

If that's the way you want it...

when I finish here tonight,

we'll wash up for good.

I don't like fast shuffles, Tommy.

Here's a card right off the top of the deck:

Mitch Talbin's booked a tour

of dance halls for me.

I can make more money with him

in 30 weeks than with you in 30 years.

You see,

your publicity man did a good job on me.

That awful smell around here

must be your gratitude.

"Gratitude"?

Remind me to look that word up.

- I'll be in your office later for my dough.

- "Dough"?

Remind me to look that word up.

I need that money. The bookies

are putting the squeeze on me.

If I'm left holding the bag,

I'll hold everything that's in it.

Remember, nothing foolish.

There he is.

Get him.

What's all the fuss, Al?

- Heard you were going on tour.

- Yeah, first stop, Miami.

I've got a lot of friends in Miami.

Want me to have them look you up?

I intended to pay you before I left town.

No hurry. We'll be around till closing.

If Mitch Talbin were here,

I'd pay you what I owe you right now.

- I just signed up with him.

- There's Mitch Talbin.

Mitch?

Hello, Tommy. You know Tommy Drake.

- I feel as though I know him intimately.

- Yeah, Baby's quite a fan of yours.

- How we doing, kid?

- I finally had it out with Brant.

Everything okay?

Yeah. It's all set, except that...

- I gotta have some money.

- Sure. Anything you want.

I need $12,000.

$12,000? That's a lot of money.

My luck's been a little sour lately,

Mitch, but...

I'm good for it.

I'll sign my tour money over to you.

I know, but trains get wrecked,

planes crash, you might drop dead.

I gotta think that over.

You'd better think fast.

I gotta have it before closing.

I can think faster after I've had a drink.

Come on, let's sit down.

- But this is important.

- Come on.

Do you want to eat or do you want a drink

or do you want to dance?

I'm sure you wouldn't want to lose this.

- Thank you.

- Not at all.

- Thank you very much.

- You're very welcome.

It's a beautiful thing. The necklace.

- Mr. Charles. Nora.

- Hello.

We've been looking all over for you.

- You know Mr. Thayar, of course.

- Yes.

We saved a place for you at our table.

It's at the other end of the room.

We're table hopping. Excuse us.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes