Some Freaks Page #2

you're not Samuel L.

Jackson, you're not bald.

Or black.

- But dude, she is

the size of a house.

I mean she should save time and

shove me in a trash compactor.

This girl would crush me.

- No no no, she's not too fat.

- Yeah she is.

- She's not that fat.

Just four feet too short, f***.

- What?

- What do fat women and

mopeds have in common?

- I don't know.

- They're both to fun to

ride, but you wouldn't

want your friends to

see you on either one.

Right?

- Okay, I have one.

- Okay.

- How do you find a

fat girl's vagina?

- How?

- You flip through the

folds until you smell crap.

Then you go back one.

- Where did you even hear that?

- I don't know, it was on

the internet or something.

- Hey where were you, we were

looking all over for you.

Oh yeah, Matt, Jill, Jill, Matt.

- Hey.

Is anyone sitting here?

So you're Elmo's aunt?

I mean that's

pretty weird right?

How does that even happen?

- His mom is my sister

and my dad's his grandpa.

What, do you want me to

draw you a family tree?

- No, no, I just...

I don't know, 'cause I

mean my sister and I,

we're like, I don't

know, I was just trying...

- You was just trying to

make some weird roundabout

apology for hurting my

feelings the other day.

- What...

- Which is f***ing

lame by the way.

You can do that with a

f***ing fat joke, ugh.

So you clearly

wanna make amends or

pacify your conscience

or weasel me

into bed or whatever

the f*** it is

That you're trying to do,

- Wait, what?

So why don't you just

get it over with?

"I'm sorry"?

- Okay, I'm sorry.

- Do you mean it?

- Yeah.

- Great.

We can be friends again,

take a seat.

So how long have you known...

You know what?

This isn't really

doing it for me.

You wanna get out of here

and eat someplace else?

- Sure.

I'll call Elmo.

- Okay.

Where are we?

- Yeah, where the f***

are we going man, come on.

- No, it's going,

we're going to this

cool cafe, bar,

diner type, I don't

know what it is,

but there is a bar

inside, we don't have to be 21.

I used to go there all

the time with my sister,

they've got great food,

great corned beef hash.

I mean they have salads and

stuff too, so you're all set.

- Dude, did you

just call me fat?

- What?

- What the f*** dude?

- No, 'cause in class

you said that thing

about being a vegetarian,

so I just thought...

No no no no, hey, I didn't...

- You're an insensitive

motherf***er.

- I didn't mean anything by it.

Hey, hey, I'm really, goddammit.

- Why don't you go

for a walk, okay?

Take a minute.

- I, I wasn't trying...

- Why don't you just tell her

to go on a diet

or something, huh?

- I didn't mean, that's not what

I meant at all, goddammit.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes