Solitary Man Page #3

that Eastern European web special.

That was my cousin Eva. She

was in town on business.

I dont know, why didnt you

just come by and say hello?

I was on my way over to.

And thats when I saw you slip

your hand under her skirt.

I thought maybe you

dropped something.

But then she started squirming

in such a way I thought,

I dont think he

dropped anything.

So thats gin.

Yeah?

Means that you won that hand.

I dont play cards.

Well, at least you didnt

sell me out. Thank you.

Id cheat on her if

she was my girlfriend.

Have a good weekend, Ben.

Okay. Im gonna do this for you. Not

for your mother, for you.

I know the school.

I know the dean.

I always regretted never going

to Susans college interview,

I was always too busy.

Hmm. Yeah, momma said you used to

always be on MSNBC and CNN.

And that you had dealerships

in every town in Long Island

and New Jersey and Connecticut.

Thats a slight exaggeration.

She also said you f***ed

it up six ways to Sunday.

No exaggeration there.

Look, I promise I will

not ruin your weekend.

You know, Ill give you a tour

of the campus, take you over to

meet the dean, you know,

for your interview.

Smooth things out. Shake hands. And

then Ill go back and crash

at the hotel and you can do whatever

the hell you want to.

And this time I

wont say anything.

And you wont treat

me like a kid, right?

Well, youre not a kid, are you?

Some guys supposed to meet us.

I dont know where

the hell he is.

You know, I thought

you were an involved alumni.

Alumnus. Just means

I write the big checks.

How do you know the

dean of this place?

Uh, he comes visits me, or he

used to. And hed always leave

my office with an endowed chair

in the English Department

or enough funding to break

ground on the library.

And what about now?

Courtesy calls

when hes in town.

Thats nice.

Insurance, for when I can

write the big checks again.

Look out!

Hey, a**hole. Let the

big dog hunt.

Let the big dog hunt.

Let the what?

Let the bi... look,

put the frisbee down.

Were frolfing.

That was my drive.

You called me an a**hole,

Im gonna earn it.

Dickwad.

Oh, my god. Ben!

Ben!

Easy..

Easy, easy.

Ben, stop it.

Hey, hey, hey!

Stop all this.

Officer.

Uh, Ben Kalmen.

Uh, here to see dean Gittleson.

I.D.S.

Someone wanna tell me

what happened here?

We had a little

misunderstanding.

Im willing to

forgive it if he is.

Im willing.

Good.

Get outta here.

Not so fast.

I wanna know what youre

doing on my campus.

Hes escorting me

for my interview.

She your daughter?

He goes out with my mother.

He tell you to say that?

No.

All right,

lets see it.

Eighteen.

Kalmen.

Youre the donor of the, the

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