Small Town Saturday Night Page #3

- Yeah, whatever.

What do you want?

- A**holes!

- Hey, f*** you!

- You want some advice?

- No.

Happy is happy and sh*t is sh*t.

You need to figure out which is which.

What the f***?

Good grief, you're--

you're just like my wife.

- Oh, shut up.

- Yeah, she sits on the goddamn couch.

She'll eat a gallon of ice cream

and then she cries to me

about getting fat.

You see, I tell her it's a simple

mathematical equation.

Less calories consumed,

more calories burned--

that equals weight loss.

But does she want a solution?

No no no.

Not to that problem.

She'd rather me just sit there

and listen to her b*tch and moan.

What-- what are you doing?

All right, honey, this is the part

where you start to cry.

Oh, shut your trap.

All right, let me get this straight.

He just marched up to the house

and started punching Rodney

for no good reason?

Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

And you guys didn't

provoke him in any way?

No! He's f***ing crazy.

That's it. I am filing

a restraining order.

- I'm sick of this sh*t.

- Ange, I understand.

Tommy, you'd better do something.

All right, you wanna

press charges too, Rodney?

Hell, yeah, I do.

You guys are just gonna

have to go down to the station

and file a report.

Jesus Christ.

You guys have a nice day.

Yeah, well, thanks for nothing,

Columbo.

- Leslie.

- What?

I just got off the phone

with Joanne from the church.

And she was telling me

that her niece is staying with her

and that she is going to be attending

the junior college this fall.

- That's neat.

- Well, I was thinking that since...

you're gonna be taking

some classes down there too

that maybe the two of you should meet.

- Yeah, sure, whatever.

- Really? Good.

I'm gonna go call her and tell her yes.

Wait, Mom.

Mom, wait. Mom!

Mom, are you sure she's pretty?

- Hey, Rhett.

- Hey, Donny.

Hey.

Your old man ain't here.

- Where is he?

- Hell if I know.

So you're out, huh?

Yeah.

- Well, it went by fast.

- Not for me.

What was it like?

lt sucked sh*t.

You been all right?

Thought you'd be outta here by now.

So did I.

I wish I could do that--

just leave this shithole town,

never come back.

It's gonna be hard to leave.

Why? F*** this place.

My whole world's here.

You're lucky, you know?

You got a reason to leave

and a reason to stay.

I ain't got sh*t.

- Has your number changed?

- Absolutely not.

God, you look good, girl.

All right, I'll call ya.

All right.

That's all they had.

What?

- What up, fellas?

- Nice shorts, ball licker.

They prevent chafing

and whisk away perspiration.

Jesus, Les, did you shave your legs?

Maybe.

What a fag.

Hey, Dwayne, do you think

we can work on my rig today?

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