Sleeping with the Fishes Page #3

there's plenty in the cabinet.

I have makeup on, Mom.

She looks like mierda.

- Ay.

- Mmm.

- Holy Mother of God.

- Oh, sh*t!

I should have knocked, I'm so sorry.

What if I was really dropping a deuce?

Truthfully, I find it, um,

just a little bit more disturbing

that Mom has a picture of

Daniel alone in the hallway.

Really? I find it more disturbing

that you were having

phone sex with a chimp.

Wait, no, I thought we

weren't gonna touch that one.

- Oh, we weren't? Oh, I'm sorry.

- No.

Oh, my God!

- I missed you.

- I missed you!

Oh, you forget.

Our mother is half hound,

she will find it, believe me.

- Hey, you

found your skinny jeans.

- Lookin' good, Mr. Kotter.

- Thanks.

I think if I fart, I may rip the seams.

Okay. Turn that frown upside down.

- You're home!

- For a funeral.

Well, if that's what it takes so be it.

Anyway, who has time for Danny drama

when our own loving mother is

waiting patiently downstairs

to deliver some novestyle

drama of her own.

Did I tell you that I was jet lagged?

Like, just like this much?

Well, ding, ding, ding!

Let the games begin.

Do I look... fat? Or just bloated?

Is that a trick question?

Come on! I'm just kidding.

You look perfect!

This is gonna be so fun!

We're coming!

Mmm! Mmm, mm, mmm!

Hija, I made it with one percent.

Mamcan she have some food?

Oh! I'm sorrmijita.

She hasn't seen "Real

Women Have Curves" yet.

I got it for her for Mother's Day.

How long have I been home?

Long enough to remember why you left.

So, Dad, how you holding up?

Hmm? Yeah?

Got any last-minute details

you want help with, any

arranging, organizing?

Ay, Dios mo, always the party planner.

Lexita, have you ever

thought about retaking

the dental admissions exam?

Nope, never, not once.

You should.

You know, if I hadn't gone to

trade school to become a hygienist,

I would have

never met your father.

Yeah, see, I don't know what that

has to do with the conversation...

Okay, let me just boom, bang, pow

my way into this potential disaster.

- Party planning is

in Lexie's DNA. Ay, no.

So is bipolar and depression...

Okay, it's in my DNA, I got it.

You know, Mo is giving me a

lot of extra parties, you know?

And with the holidays just a few

months away, I'm gonna be a lot busier.

Santa's gonna need helpers, like...

elves and such.

You know, I wonder why Hanukkah Julio

isn't more popular in Los Angeles,

seeing as it's the city of Jews.

Angels, it's the City of Angels.

- It's the City of Angels?

- Yeah.

And Hanukkah Julio was

a character Dad made up

to make sure that we didn't

feel alone in this world.

What? Dad!

That can't possibly

be a surprise to you.

Oh, okay. Okay.

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