Slacker

Man, I just had the weirdest dream back on the bus there.

Do you ever have those dreams that are just completely real?

I mean, they're so vivid, it's just like completely real.

It's like there's always something bizarre going on in those.

I have one about every two years or something.

I always remember 'em really good.

It's like there's always someone getting run over or something really weird.

Uh, one time I had lunch with Tolstoy.

Another time I was a roadie for Frank Zappa. Anyway.

So this dream I just had, it was just like that...

except instead of anything bizarre going on...

I mean, there was nothing going on at all.

Man. It was like The Omega Man. There was just nobody around.

I was just traveling around...

you know, staring out the windows of buses and trains and cars, you know.

When I was at home, I was, like, flipping through the TV stations endlessly,

reading.

I mean, how many dreams do you have where you read in a dream?

Wait. Man, there was this book I just read on the bus -

You know, it was my dream, so I guess I wrote it or something.

But, uh, man, it was bizarre. It was like, uh...

the premise for this whole book...

was that every thought you have creates its own reality, you know?

It's like every choice or decision you make...

the thing you choose not to do...

fractions off and becomes its own reality, you know...

and just goes on from there forever.

I mean, it's like...

uh, you know, in the Wizard of Oz...

when Dorothy meets the Scarecrow and they do that little dance at that

crossroads...

and they think about going all those directions...

then they end up going in that one direction.

I mean, all those other directions, just because they thought about it...

became separate realities.

They just went on from there and lived the rest of their life.

I mean, entirely different movies, but we'll never see it...

because, you know, we're kind of trapped in this one reality restriction

type of thing.

Another example would be like back there at the bus station.

As I got off the bus, the thought crossed my mind...

you know, just for a second, about not taking a cab at all.

But, you know, like maybe walking, or bummin' a ride or something like that.

I'm kind of broke right now. I should've done that probably.

But, uh, just 'cause that thought crossed my mind...

there now exists at this very second...

a whole 'nother reality where I'm at the bus station...

and you're probably giving someone else a ride, you know?

I mean, and that reality thinks of itself as this -

it thinks of itself as the only reality, you know.

I mean, at this very second, I'm in that -

I'm back at the bus station just hangin' out, you know...

probably thumbin' through a paper.

You know, probably goin' up to a pay phone.

Say this beautiful woman just comes up to me, just starts talking to me, you

know?

Uh, she ends up offering me a ride, you know.

We're hitting it off. Go play a little pinball.

And we go back to her apartment, I mean, she has this great apartment.

I move in with her, you know.

Say I have a dream some night...

that I'm with some strange woman I've never met...

or I'm living at some place I've never seen before.

See, that's just a momentary glimpse into this other reality...

that was all created back there at the bus station.

You know, shoot. And then, you know...

I could have a dream from that reality into this one...

that, like, this is my dream from that reality.

Of course, that's kind of like that dream I just had on the bus, you know.

The whole cycle type of thing.

Man, sh*t. I should've stayed at the bus station.

Don't touch her. Need to call the police.

Get an ambulance.

Check that bag for some I.D. You better call the family.

- Don't touch her! - I've gotta get the bag.

Hurry. I'll stay. Hurry.

What in the hell?

- What happened? What's going on? - Accident. Everything's under control.

Well, good. So you don't need me?

- No, I don't think so. - Okay.

Look, can I help you out? Do you need a ride anywhere or anything?

No, I don't think so.

Tell you what. Take my card. Give me a call.

I wish I could stay and help, but I gotta go, really. But call me.

I'd like to hear from you. I mean it.

Whose body is this?

- Here, call this guy. - These your groceries, lady?

Hello?

Uh, yes, it is.

This is her son.

She's not here right now. I mean, I don't think she's up yet.

Oh, drag. Anybody get a licence plate number or anything?

Were there any witnesses?

Okay, so the police have been notified.

Okay, uh, good. Well, let me know if you need me for anything.

Uh, thanks for calling. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Thank you for calling. Thank you.

- Officer Bozzio and Love with the police department. - Hello, it's

me.

- What happened? - I don't know.

Looks like some guy, uh, ran over his mother.

It's so personal

That no one

No one in their right mind

Would touch him with a ten-foot pole

With a six-foot pole With a six-inch pole

Well, maybe a six-inch

That's a disturbed young man with a tan

And problems so deep

And so personal torturing himself

With a tan and so personal

Past the Conoco, the Abel's

Who's that man with a tan

That's a disturbed young man with a tan

"Number three:
Opportunistic celibacy.

"Number four:
Renunciation of all human endeavor.

"And the fifth and final pillar of euphoria:

"A full-circle, aesthetic reevaluation.

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