Sidewalks of New York

So we're going to ask you

a series of questions.

Some will be basic,

biographical questions.

Others will be very personal

about your sexual history.

So that being said,

let's start with telling us...

...when you lost your virginity.

December 5, 1994.

It was my senior year

of high school...

...and I lost it to Danny Rizzo.

My parents had gone away

for the weekend.

We each did about eight shots

of vodka, and then we did it.

Then we threw up

about ten minutes after that, so-

First time I had sex, I was

actually pretty young- 15.

She was a freshman in college.

And it just kinda happened.

I was hanging out with my friends

in the parking lot...

...in front of the A&P,

just drinkin' some beers.

She pulled into the parking lot

in her dad's new Cadillac.

We got to talkin',

and next thing I know...

...we're in the backseat

kinda goin' at it, so-

It was pretty cool 'cause I had

never been in a Cadillac before.

I was a late bloomer.

It was my junior year at college.

I lost it to the woman

I eventually married, Maria.

I really only had sex with one woman

up until that point...

...and that's probably why

I got divorced.

I was only 16...

...and he was much older.

He worked with my mother. My parents

got divorced when I was nine.

He used to come over to the house

for dinners and parties and things.

Then he started coming over when

he knew my mom wouldn't be home.

And then just one thing

kinda led to another.

And before I even knew

what was happening...

I was having my first affair

with a married man.

When I first had sex?

My dad drove me down...

...from our apartment in the Bronx,

where we lived.

He took me to the Upper East Side

to some high-class whorehouse.

And she said her name

was Cherry Pie.

I always liked that name-

Cherry Pie.

Let's just say I have a very clear

image of her in my mental file.

He was the sweetest guy.

We went to high school together.

We wanted to wait till we

got married- That Catholic thing.

But I wanted to do it

before my 18th birthday.

So we went to this

bed-and-breakfast in Saratoga...

...and we just made love

for three straight days.

Then we went off to college

and promised to be faithful.

And then what happened?

Well, I was faithful

for the first semester...

...and he came back after Christmas

break and told me he was gay.

So I guess he was a little sweeter

than I would've liked.

Okay, wait a second, Sue.

I mean, this is unbel-

You know, I mean, come on!

Where did this come from? How long

have you been thinking about this?

You just drop this on me

all of a sudden today?

- I don't even know-

- Stop. You're stuttering. Okay?

It's over. It's simple. Pack

your sh*t, get out by the weekend.

Seriously,

this is like a shock to me.

I don't know what else you

want me to say. It's simple.

It's not brain surgery.

It's over.

- Have your sh*t out by the weekend.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- I'm not kidding you.

- When did this come about?

Oh, my God. Give me a break.

You know this was inevitable.

If I thought that, I wouldn't have

given up my apartment months ago.

Don't you pin that on me. I didn't

ask you to give up your apartment.

You did ask me to move in with you.

That I didn't f***in' imagine.

- What do you want me to say to you?

- How 'bout a f***in' explanation?

- Is that so much?

- Why do you need an explanation?

Why can't you just see

the writing on the wall?

Why can't I see the writing?

The only thing I see is this ugly

painting that cost me a few grand.

You want the painting?

'Cause you can have the painting.

I don't want the painting.

I got you the painting.

- I don't want it.

- Then what do you want from me?

You know what I want?

I just want you to talk to me.

Just tell me why

you're doin' this.

Where you goin'?

Tell me why you're doing this.

This is comin' out

of left field here.

Do you want kids?

Yeah. You know I want kids.

We've already discussed this.

When?

As soon as you're ready.

Guess what. Not ready.

You ever notice how whenever you

bring up kids, I change the subject?

I don't want them ever!

That was kinda harsh, you know,

because we were talkin'...

...everything- Kids, marriage,

the whole nine.

Then she drops that on me

out of the blue, so-

That was kinda tough, you know?

I told you moving in with her

was a big mistake, didn't I?

I know.

Tommy, you are not

the settling down type of guy.

You're the type that has to be out

there every day makin' it happen.

Forget about

that wife-and-kids crap.

What is that anyway? You take it

from somebody who's been there.

A wife and children

will drive you to an early grave.

Take a look at me, for example.

Take a look at me, baby!

- I know. You're animal.

- I'm an animal!

I am twice as vital

as any married man half my age.

- Ain't that right, sweetheart?

- So you keep telling me.

Tell the kid how many women

I've porked.

Enough to definitely make

every woman sick to her stomach.

- Five hundred, Tommy.

- Come on.

I had sex with 500 different women.

I left them all baying at the moon.

You stick with me, kid, you could

wind up with twice that many.

- So what was the fight about?

- I don't know.

I came home yesterday, everything

seems fine, she's having a sandwich.

Next thing, she's screaming at me,

kicks me out of the apartment.

- She kicked you out?

- It was her place.

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