Shooting Fish

Synopsis: Dylan and Jez are con artists, Dylan is a charming American who's run from some characters in the states and Jez is an English techno nerd. During one of their scams selling a voice recognition computer they hire Georgie as a secretary for the job. The romantic triangle between Dylan, Jez and Georgie appears, but she is also not a secretary, but a student, and her marriage with rich Roger is upcoming.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Romance
Director(s): Stefan Schwartz
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
  3 wins.
Rotten Tomatoes:
103 min

I guess it began when

we were about eight years old.

Right from the start, we both

wanted exactly the same thing.

Samuel, show the class...

where you'd most like to live

when you grow up.

I'd like to live in a house...

in fields

with trees and flowers.

Very good.

How about you, Antonia?

I'd like to live

in a big black shoe.

Right, like the lady

in the nursery rhyme. I see.

Hmm. Good.

What about you, Jeremiah?

Show us where you would like

to live when you're grown up.

Now, Jez--

that's my business partner--

has always put in

that extra 10%.

Where did you get this,


I made it.

Are you sure

you didn't steal it?

- No.

- Who made it, Jeremiah?

I did.

And I made the lights.

How did you..

And I made the people.

But how did you--

I used the electric hole.


Now, Dylan...

for the last time...

tell this nice man from the IRS

exactly what you were doing...

at the Chase Manhattan Bank

this afternoon.

I was checking my account.

- You're dyslexic.

- Yeah, not innumerate.

I know, but you

don't have a bank account.

You're not allowed

to have a bank account...

and you know why that is?

Because you're eight!

Let me handle the kid.

This isn't getting us anywhere.

Even from an early age,

I could handle accountants.

Now, you little brat,

we're all gettin' real tired...

so why don't you tell me,

man to man...

what was going on

in the bank today?

I'm saving up for this.

Not the writing.

It's on the other side.

A mansion like

this will cost a hundred grand.

Yeah. And where's

an orphan--no offense--

gonna find that kind of money?

I first met you

hangin' knickers on the line.

From that moment on...

I knew that

there could only be...

One outcome, me and you

against the world forever.

You have no folks,

and I'm just a joke...

But we made a vow...

That we would never sell

each other out.

A lie detector wouldn't

make me doubt you.

Now we know that it's us

versus the world now.

Me and you

against the world now.

Look up there in the sky now.

See the stars, well,

they're shining just for us.

Hey, now, me and you

against the world now.

Look up there in the sky now.

See the stars, well,

they're shining just for us.

We hitched a ride that would

turn out suicide.

I had my .45 replica gun.

I didn't think

we'd ever need it.

Didn't know he had

a real one loaded.

You went in first,

took the worst...

Couldn't hear me

shouting you to stop...

Above the busy traffic

passing by.

We promised that together

we would--

Now we know that it's us

versus the world now.

Me and you

against the world now.

Look up there in the sky now.

See the stars, well,

they're shining just for us.

Hey, now, me and you

against the world now.

Look up there in the sky now.

See the stars, well,

they're shining just for us.

Eighteen yea rs later...

and my charm and wit had run dry

with the great American public.

Lowed a lot of money...

to a gang of big guys

with hairy shoulders.

It was a choice between losing

some of my vital organs...

or going to England.

I went to England.

There, I met Jez,

and right away...

I knew he had things

I'd never have--

social incompetence

and technical wizardry--

so we became a team

and together started...

a good old-fashioned

family business...

fleecing rich guys.

Mr. Greenway,

do you know why you're here?

You're here to see technology

at its most advanced.

You're here to buy

a seventh-generation computer.

A human voice

recognition computer.

A computer you can talk to.

A computer that'll talk to you.

Are you at all familiar...

with the Cymbelline

mainframe computer?


The Cymbelline can understand

just 3,000 common words.

It has to be housed

in an air-conditioned cabinet...

the size of this table.

Mr. Greenway, this is useless.

It's a scientist's toy.

I'm going to keep things simple

for you...

like our designers did

on our Verbitec VT 88.50...

Or Johnson,

as we like to call it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

can you stand up, please?

Can you come to this side

of the desk?

This is Johnson.

It's the first computer

to be truly free of a keyboard.

Mr. Greenway,

nobody likes to type.

Everybody likes to talk.

You like to talk?

I like to talk.

You like to talk?

I like to talk.

Johnson here doesn't

just understand 3,000 words...

not just 6,000 words--

the common everyday

vocabulary of you or me--

Johnson understands

Johnson here will type,

file, word-process...

do your accounts--

the only thing

you're gonna have to do...

is buy your lady's

birthday present...

although Johnson here

will remind you of the date...

and also if she's not your wife.

Am I giving away secrets here?

Enough of this chitter-chatter.

Let's see this baby work.

Johnson, good afternoon.

How are you today?

It's great, huh?


You want to try this out?

Here. Come here.

I'm gonna introduce you

to Johnson.

Johnson, key...

Introducing Greenway.

We need a little voice

recognition sequence.

Try "I'm A Little Teapot."


The nursery rhyme

"I'm A Little Teapot."

It contains all the vowel sounds

Johnson needs.

Oh, right.

Um... I'm a little teapot.

Short and stout.

Short and stout.

Where's your handle?

Here's my handle.


Here's my spout.

That is remarkable.

It is incredible.

I'm interested.

Good. Good.

Eh--Oh, God.

Look, we've run over.

I gotta call you

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Stefan Schwartz

Stefan Schwartz (born 1 May 1963) is an English and Canadian film and television director, writer and actor, most known for the feature film Shooting Fish and his work on the BBC's Spooks and Luther, AMC's The Walking Dead and Showtime's Dexter. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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