Shadow People

---

Hey, guys.

Just watched a video

sent to me by a follower.

Hey, everybody. It's Jen and I wanted

to make this video in response to...

That sleep experiment video

that's on YouTube.

This... this video of some strange

mad scientist guy.

Hungarian doctor doing,

you know, tests.

- Experimenting on students.

- Younger Asian male patients.

They have, like, wires

connected to their heads.

I don't know what to believe

on the Internet anymore.

What's going on, everybody?

It's your man, Alpha Cat.

Welcome to this episode

of "Ask Alpha Cat."

This crazy viral video that has gotten

thousands of views.

Apparently, it's this viral video

that's been going around the web.

- It's gotten tons of hits.

- Some people have also said

that this is related to, like,

a more recent rash of deaths.

Those deaths over in Kentucky.

Some people say that

it's dangerous to watch it.

After watching it,

they start hallucinating.

It's kind of creepy. I'm not trying to

have some real-life "Ring" experience

where I watch something

and then I'm cursed.

- Bump that.

- It's pretty scary.

People just think I'm crazy.

- Obviously, this is fake, you guys.

- This is something real.

This video is creepy as hell.

Like, nobody knows

who uploaded the video.

We have no information.

We have nothing.

This is a video that wasn't

meant to get out.

I'd really like some answers.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CHATTER)

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

(OXEN GRUNTING)

(ANIMALS CHITTERING)

(WOOD CREAKING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

(SNARLING)

(BUZZING)

Teng.

Teng?

Teng? Teng!

Teng! Teng!

MALE CALLER:
Hi, Charlie.

My name's Alex.

- Long-time listener, first-time caller.

CHARLIE:
- Hey, Alex. What's up?

Well, there's this girl

and I really like her.

So go up to her,

start a conversation.

ALEX:
We really haven't met

in person yet.

We just Facebook each other,

but I thought it was starting

to get intense, and then

she stopped responding.

CHARLIE:
I remember hearing

a story about a girl

who fell in love with a guy

on one of these sites,

and when she found out that the guy

was actually one of her friends

playing a prank on her,

she killed herself.

Now, what does that tell you?

It tells me that the bullshit

we make up in our minds

can be dangerous.

It's got us living in a world

where we're falling in love

with ones and zeros,

with fake people,

when the real world

is just outside.

You know the thing

we still can't get online?

Chemistry.

That primordial thing,

that animal instinct

that draws us together.

And without that,

you got nothing.

Just a fake relationship

with a fake girl in a fake world,

with nothing to show for it

but real heartache.

So turn off your computer, Alex.

Go outside,

find yourself a real girl.

Good luck to you.

Next caller.

You're on KZTO's "The Night Shift"

with Charlie Crowe.

(ERRATIC BREATHING)

MALE CALLER:
Hello?

Am I on... on the air?

Yeah, you're on the air.

- My name's Jeff.

- Mm-hmm.

- Jeff, what's on your mind?

- I'm seeing things.

- What kind of things?

- Shadows.

Shadows of people

who aren't really there.

Oh, what, you mean like ghosts?

No, they're not ghosts.

These are something else.

Uh, Jeff, no offense, but we get

a lot of interesting callers

on this show,

but this is not a nuthouse.

So please direct

all your local insanity

to your local psychiatrist.

And what do we say when people

waste our valuable air-time?

- We say...

MAN'S VOICE:
- Thank you very much.

(HORN SQUAWKS, SPRING BOINGS)

Well, that's about all the time we have

on "The Night Shift" with Charlie Crowe.

We have a ton of people on hold.

Thank you for trying.

Try again next time

when Charlie Crowe unveils

the mysteries

of the unknown universe.

We'll be back on Monday.

Until then, good night,

sleep tight,

and don't let the bedbugs bite.

ANNOUNCER:
- Big City Value Furniture...

- Any word from Philadelphia?

Uh, yeah, man. They're not looking

to syndicate us just now.

Maybe next year

if our numbers come up.

(CHARLIE SIGHS)

You know this is the worst

damn market I've ever worked in.

(CHUCKLES)

Night, Tom.

My name is Tom DiMartino.

I am producer and engineer

for "The Night Shift"

with Charlie Crowe on Z104.

Charlie got this slot

in the evenings

and needed

a producer/engineer person,

you know, somebody

to screen calls.

And so he said, "Hey, you know,

you've got some experience."

"Would you be willing

to do this for me?"

You know,

I was game at the time.

(MAN CHUCKLES)

Seemed like

a pretty good ole boy.

Last time I talked to him, anyway.

Like I said,

he leaves a good tip.

MAN:
How many times

did he come in here?

Before or after 4:00?

(LAUGHS)

That was a good show, Charlie.

Wish my programmers thought so.

If they ever can your ass

over at that radio station,

you can come work for me.

No offense, Sparky, but...

I think I'd rather suck the end

of a double-barreled shotgun.

(LAUGHS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

(DOORBELL RINGS,

KNOCKING CONTINUES)

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hey there, kiddo.

What's the word?

BOY:
Hey.

CHARLIE:
- How's Dr. Robert?

- He's fine, I'm fine.

Thanks for asking.

Maid's day off again?

Um, what are you doing?

- Checking your fridge.

- Why?

To see if you have anything healthy

to feed my son with.

Hey, that's still good.

It's expired.

You know, I'm perfectly capable

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