Serving Sara

Synopsis: A process server, Joe Tyler (played by Matthew Perry) is given the task of serving divorce papers on Sara Moore (Elizabeth Hurley), the wife of of a wealthy Texas businessman. To do so he needs to contend with her attempts at evasion and the attempts of a colleague to undermine him.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Reginald Hudlin
Production: Paramount Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
99 min

My job sucks.

Got no future, got no benefits.

I'm here to play.

Oh, yeah? Who are you?

Who am I...?

I'm on the list.

Show me the list.

I'll point me out.

Yeah. There is no list.

Charles Lazaro invited me.

Oh, so what you're telling me

is that you're a friend|of Fat Charlie's?

Well, I'm not a friend|like the doughnut guy

but, yeah, we're friends.a

Well, we got|a little problem here, pal.

Fat Charlie has no friends.

You know what?

I think we got off|on the wrong foot here.


Mr. Thug?




Going down.


You crafty son of a b*tch.

You really think you were

going to get away|with this, huh?

Step back a couple feet,|will you?

My name's Bond.

Barry Bond... s.


You got a little something...

right, uh...

While he was schemin'

just beamin'

my man cheatin'

to make him pay for it all

Hey, ladies...

Look at the paper.

Sir, there is a $100 minimum.

Right, of course.


How embarrassing.

then everything goes

From the crib to the ride...

Here we go.

There's-there's 21...

And that's...

uh, yeah.



wanna get buckwild

and hit 'em up style

and spend to the last dime

For all the hard times

then everything goes...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doing there,|Polyester Paul?

Excuse me, sir?

You're dealing|from the bottom of the deck.

This man is dealing from|the bottom of the deck.

Did you see that?

See what?

Okay, we all caught you.

Is there a problem, sir?

Yes, there's a problem.|Three Card Monty, here

is dealing|from the bottom of the deck.

I assure you, sir,|that's impossible.

Oh, really?

If it's impossible,|then how come

he dealt himself a perfect...

Sir, why don't you|step this way?

We'll sort this out.

Don't you know who I am?

No, I don't know who you are.

Okay, well, why don't you find|somebody who does?

All right, Zorro?


Looks like today's|your lucky day.

I know who you are.

See? He knows who I am.

Oh, yeah.

You're the guy|that's leaving here tonight

in the trunk of my car.

Let me guess.|Fat Charlie, right?

That's right, moron.

Now, listen to me.

Nobody accuses my joint|of cheating, you got that?

Yeah, well... I do.

And I got the pictures|to prove it.

See for yourself.

There ain't no pictures here.

Charles Lazaro,|you're hereby served to appear

as a witness in the racketeering|trial of Freddie Marcuso.

What are you?

Some kind of a wacko?

Serving me papers|in my own joint?

Rip his jugular vein out.

Okay, Lieutenant.

If I'm not out|in 60 seconds

send in your boys.

Okay, Joe. Roger that.


It's a pleasure serving you.

And, you!

- Eat something.|- What?

You don't fit in.


Nice work, kiddo.

Next time, you hurry up.

I'm freezing my|ass off out here.

Here you go.


And, hey, don't spend

all that on candy.

Son of a b*tch.


Oh, oh, yeah

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm...

It took you six days|to serve this guy.

Six freaking days.

Hey, he disappeared on me.

A guy named Fat Charlie|disappeared on you?

Poof, Puff the Magic|Dragon, just gone?

Poof, bye-bye?

And I guess you mean to tell me

you ain't seen|the Chrysler Building

on your way over|here, either?

If you want to spend your life|chasing nickel and dime papers

you go right ahead.

Ray, the guy was

a difficult mark,|and I served him clean.

What else do you want?

You know what I want?

I want you to be more|like Tony, here.

Well, that's impossible.|I walk upright.

What are you saying?

I don't have good posture?

I'm saying|you're a Neanderthal.

And I'm saying kiss my ass.

My mouth's not big enough.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Look.

You see this?

I gave Tony this file|two hours ago.

It's done.

What's going on with you, Joe?

You used to be|my money guy, my assassin.

Now in the time it takes you

to do one job,|Wop-along Cassidy, here

serves seven papers.

It would have been eight

but I let Joe have|that one in Miami.

The only reason that is

is the mook can't take Miami.

It's too damn hot down there.

Miami's not a city. It's|a steam room with mosquitoes.

Oh, that's great, Tony.|You're a regular

process-serving savant.

What'd you call me?

Savant... that's somebody

who's really good|at something...

Oh, thanks, Joe.

[Skipped item nr. 165]

...while being a complete idiot.


Ladies, please!

Yeah, you really did serve|these really fast.

In fact, you served|them yesterday.

- What?|- What are you talking about?

What's the date today?

It's the-the tenth.

It's the 11th, numnuts.

Give me that.

Goddamn it, Tony!

Relax, Ray, relax.|I'll go back

to the courthouse.|So I'll refile it.

It's the big white building|with the pillars

in front of it.

Hey, screw you, Joe.

I'm tired of you|calling me stupid.

I'm not the one growing a|grapevine in my living room.

This loser thinks|he's going to be

Ernest and Julio|freaking Gallo.

Ray, do you have|a job for me, or not?

Look, I got one job

right now.

It's an important job|out of Texas.

Pays five grand.

Well, I was going to give it|to Tony

seeing he's been so hot lately.

But now that we know

he can't read|a goddamn calendar

makes me a little edgy.

So... here.

What? You going|to give it to Joe?

After two months|of screwups?

It's going to take him|ten weeks to serve it.

Well, thanks for the prediction,|Nostra-dumb-ass.

Don't you have a courthouse|to find?

Eat me.

Eat you?

I've never been that hungry|in my life.

Listen, Joe.

This is the Texas branch

of my biggest account|here in New York.

This file could open up|a lot of out-of-state business

for me, you understand?

It's an easy job.

All you gotta do is do it fast.

None of that lollygagging,|six-day crap on this.

I'm serious.

You got it, boss.

And let me just say,|from the bottom of my heart

that suit is kicking.

Get out!

I'm going to go.

You better go.

"Your suit kickin'."

Shoot, this suit cost me $300.

Adios, good-bye, amigos...

Say, what time is your flight|again, sweetheart?

It's 11:

Well, lookie there!|Perfect timing.

I am the king.

Well done, Mr. Cowboy.

That's right, Mama.|Boy, I tell you what.

You're my darling,|dearest, dearie

darling gal, and|I'll tell you what.

Any of them New York boys got|their hands on you, and, ooh!

I wouldn't know what to do.

Well, here we are.

Now, hey, you call me|when you get there?

I will.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I love you, girl.

I love you, too.


You get that, all right?

Well, go on.

Have a good time.

Okay. Bye.

until my back was to the floor

then I'd try to get some more

And when it came to gambling...

Hey, you!

Hey, darling!

Hey, how are you?

Good. Huh?

What'd I tell you?|Perfect timing.

You're the king.

Thank you very much.

Ooh, I missed you.


All right, all right,|we're going.

Quick as a hiccup.

Hey, Joe.

No hard feelings|about before, Joe?


Good luck.

Yeah, blow me.

Yeah, keep dreaming, Joe.

He gets me|with that every time.


Sara Moore?


Listen up.

If I were you,|I'd get the hell out

of your apartment right now.

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Jay Scherick

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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