Secondhand Lions Page #4

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so did the Kaiser

and the entire German Army.

I wanted to go home,

but Hub said we should tour Europe

one step ahead of the Germans.

And we did.

What a time that was.

There were these girls

in Toulon... twins. And they...

...anyway,

we eventually wound up

in Marseilles

with passage booked

on the last ship out of Europe.

And Hub, he decided

that we should spend our last night

enjoying

the local nightlife.

Three, three!

He made friends

with these soldiers,

and they bought us some drinks...

strong, strange drinks.

We woke up on a ship

bound for North Africa...

shanghaied.

- Shanghaied?

- Yeah.

We found ourselves

in the French Foreign Legion.

"It's all my fault," Hub said,

but he told me not to worry.

He'd make sure

nothing happened to me.

We fought many battles

against overwhelming odds.

He saved my life

countless times.

When the war was over,

we both went our separate ways.

I ended up

leading safaris

mostly for writers

and Hollywood folk.

But that was

too tame for Hub.

He got commissions from the new

North African governments,

to put an end

to the slave trade.

No one,

slave trader or Bedouin,

had ever seen anything

like this mad American

who fought like 20 men.

Hey!

What the hell are you two doing

out here in the middle of the night?

Just enjoying

the cool night air.

Either one of you

got a lick of sense,

go to bed.

I'm a rolling stone

from Texas

Rolling stones

from the plains

I am a rolling stone

from Texas, boys

I long to be

back there again

Well, say,

are you from Texas?

That's what

I'm wanting to know

'Cause if we're both

from Texas, boys

Let's bundle up

our clothes and go...

"Dear Walter,

how are you?

Found your uncles' money yet?

Here I am at school

in Fort Worth,

my nose to the court

reporting grind... "

Damn it, brother, I'm not going

anywhere looking like this.

Look like a damn

sharecropper.

We're gardeners.

This is what gardeners wear.

I bought you some clothes too.

They're in your room.

Think how good all these vegetables

are gonna taste.

Peas, beans,

squash, tomatoes.

- Yeah.

- What's this row?

- Beets.

- Beets?

And what about

this row?

- Potatoes.

- Potatoes?

Yeah.

Wait one damn

minute here.

- What's this row here?

- Tomatoes.

- Tomatoes?

- Yeah.

That's lettuce, squash,

sweet potatoes,

carrots, bok choy.

- Bok Choy? What is that?

- Chinese cabbage.

Hey, that row

looks right.

Yeah, well,

this is corn!

All those seeds did look alike,

come to think of it.

- Yeah, like corn.

- Boy...

that seed salesman

sure saw us coming.

No, saw you coming.

Corn, corn, corn!

Nothing but corn.

Corn. Corn.

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