Scenic Route Page #3

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gumball doctrine?

The gumball doc...

Oh, my God. You gotta

be kidding me.

Has nothing happened to

you in the last 10 years?

So you do remember?

Yeah, I remember it as

something cooked up

by a couple of losers who had nothing

better to do on a Friday night.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I

didn't cook it up.

You did. You're the one.

You're the one that said

that you would never

buy an engagement ring

that didn't come from

a gumball machine.

You're the one that said the

poorest people on the planet

are hacking off

each others' limbs

to give you something to

spend two months' salary on.

Look, just because you took

some conversation we had

over beer and macaroni and

decided to make it your religion

doesn't mean the rest of

the world gives a sh*t.

Okay, fine. So you

gave up on diamonds.

Okay. Who gives a sh*t, man?

You give up on your music,

your friends and your family,

and for what, the

rebound girl?

Come on. The rebound girl?

Yes. Really?

Yes, the rebound girl.

I was there.

I saw you and Karen together.

You were insane for the girl.

And... And when she

left, you know...

You were messed up. Okay?

People get that.

But four months later, and

you're engaged to the secretary?

Listen, take a step back,

and see that for what it is.

I fell in love You panicked.

Why do you insist on listening

to the words you're

putting into my mouth

rather than the ones

I'm actually saying?

You got a goddamn dog.

So what?/ You're allergic!

Take a pill.

What's the dog's name?

Sun... F*** you.

No.

No, "F*** You"...

No, "F*** You," I

would believe.

"F*** You" is exactly

the kind of name

that you would name a dog.

No, but your dog's

name is Sunshine.

F***ing Sunshine.

Are you gonna look at

me with a straight face

and tell me that your opinion

was actually considered

in the decision that

resulted in an animal

you're allergic to being

named after a Care Bear?

Oh, my God, you're right. I

didn't get to name the dog.

My life is a sham.

No, no, let me just get

this straight, okay?

J- Just for me.

So the love of

your life leaves.

Okay? And, um, less

than a year later,

you're married to a secretary

who loves dogs and hates

your f***ing music.

I think it's reasonable at that

point to have some doubts, right?

I think it's reasonable to

email your good friend Carter.

You remember that?

"Hey, what the f***, man?

What am I getting into?

Did I make a mistake?"

And before I can hit reply,

you buy a f***ing house!

That's great! I understand.

Right. Okay, fine. You're...

Focus on...

You want to focus on

f***ing square footage,

rather than the fact that

you have nothing in common.

That's okay. You...

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