
Scary Movie 4
Oh!
Ow!
Help! Help!
Am I dead?
You're not dead.
You've been taken
against your will.
Kobe? Who is that?
Dr. Phil?
What the hell's going on?
I don't know. I was doing a show
on teens with abandonment issues...
and suddenly, I woke up here.
Man, those kids
are gonna be pissed.
Hello, gentlemen.
You don't know me,
but I know you.
You both play games
with other people for a living...
but, today, you play a game
for your lives.
Right now, you are both
breathing in a deadly nerve gas.
You have 120 seconds to reach
the antidote...
or you die.
Oh, my God!
We better get out of here!
Let the game begin.
There!
Hit the metal arm
with something.
There.
Damn it!
Sorry.
Shaquille, I'm not angry at you...
but we are one minute
away from death.
Just shut out the "No" voice.
Own your success.
Oh!
Just make the damn basket!
What the hell was that for?
You hurt my feelings.
Your feelings?
To hell with your feelings!
Everybody with their feelings!
"I'm obese."
"My kid's a brat." "Help me. Help me."
Just shut up!
Why can't I fix anyone?
I'm so dumb and worthless!
Mama was right! Mama was right!
Hey, hey! Pull yourself together.
You're a brilliant doctor.
Not exactly.
- What?
- I-I just tell people to "get real."
I'm not even a psychologist.
I'm... an electrician.
I failed you, Shaq.
I failed you.
- Booyah!
- Yes!
This will never work.
Of course- he wants us
to cut through our feet.
You go first.
Bullshit.
Yeah.
You're probably not man enough.
I guess your mama was right.
Never!
Who's the coward now, Mama?
Candy from a baby.
- Oh, my God!
- I did it. We're saved.
- What's wrong?
- Wrong foot.
Motherfu-
No one believed
in the early years
of the 21st century
that our world was being
watched...
the way a man with a microscope
might scrutinize the creatures
in a drop of water.
Yet across the gulf of space
a terrible evil prepared
to unleash itself
upon an unsuspecting human race.
You're up early.
Come back to bed.
Come on.
Please.
Hello? Hello?
Tom! Oh!
I know you missed me.
Oh, I missed you too. God, you look great.
I wanted to come by to thank you
for setting up that job interview for me.
This isn't a good time.
I just need something to keep me busy
now that Cody's out of the house.
He just turned 11.
I enrolled him in military
school last year.
It's supposed to be
a great program.
Boy, kids, you know,
they just grow up so fast.
So I heard
that you were dating again.
Knowing you,
I bet she's brainy.
"Quixotic."
Oh, you know, your work with
the elderly really inspired me, Tom.
I mean, they have
so much to teach us...
and we have so much
to teach them.
You know, ultimately, they...
really are just like us...
only... older.
Anyway, I'm hoping that
a new career will help
keep my mind off of...
bad memories.
I'm sure you have memories, too.
He's the kind of person you never forget.
Sometimes, I wake up in
the middle of the night
wondering where he is,
and then I remember.
I know you miss him, too,
but it's really been hardest on me.
I'm rattling on, but if you
don't vent your emotions...
they just well up inside of you
and burst out.
The harder you try,
the harder it all gets...
till you just can't
shake it off anymore.
Oh!
Like you're carrying around
this enormous burden.
Sometimes your problems
get so big.
- And then what do you say to yourself?
- Jesus!
Yes, you can turn to religion
or family and friends...
but in the end,
you're still in agony.
Maybe that's why
I want to become a nurse.
I'm just- I'm so in tune
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Citation
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"Scary Movie 4" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/scary_movie_4_17571>.