Scary Movie 3

WOMAN ON TV:

Day after day...

The store that one might...

I hate television.

It gives me headaches.

There are so many magnetic waves

traveling in the airspace

because of TV and television,

we're losing

as we're supposed to.

Oh, please.

"The cow says blank."

Three letters.

Dude!

"Dude"!

I don't know.

Magnetic waves, brain cells.

I don't understand the

connection between that stuff.

You know what else I heard?

Magnetic waves shrink

silicone molecules.

- Aah!

- Aah!

Oh, my God!

Turn it off!

It's not working!

It's backwards!

- What do we do?

- I don't know!

Oh, my God!

[Television clicks off,

both sigh]

That was kind of scary.

- I know something even scarier.

- What?

Have you heard about

this videotape?

Where they do it on the boat?

And then in the car?

And then in the bathtub?

He's like, "Baby, I love you."

And she's like, "Where are we?"

- And did you see the...

- No.

- Not that tape.

- Oh.

The one with

all the scary images.

After you watch the tape,

the phone rings.

And this scary voice comes on

and says you're gonna die in...

Seven days. I saw that one

with Josh last weekend.

You were with Josh last weekend?

- Oh, my God!

- [Laughs]

Oh, yes, I was.

Oh, you ho!

You know it!

Oh!

- [Fabric ripping]

- Aah!

[Telephone ringing]

[Snaps, whimpers]

This is really weird.

Yeah.

Big house, only one phone.

Hello?

Hello?

WOMAN:

I'm coming for you, my precious.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, precious.

Having fun?

Hey, ask her which bathroom has

the vibrating showerhead.

[Thunder crashes]

Hello?

Hello?

[Creaking]

- [Toaster dings]

- [Gasps, screams]

[Squawking]

Katie?

Katie?

Katie?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Aah!

[Girl screams]

Ow.

[Girl screams]

God!

[Urinating]

[Girl screams]

[Urinating stops,

screaming stops]

[Urinating resumes]

[Girl screams]

[Urinating stops,

screaming stops]

[Urinating resumes,

screaming resumes, both stop]

[Urinating resumes,

screaming resumes, both stop]

- Oh!

- [Crash]

[Wind whipping]

Whoa.

[Wind whipping]

- Tom, did you hear...

- [Dog barks]

The dogs are acting strange.

[Barking]

[Whimpers]

[Girl screams]

[Girl screams]

Sue!

What are you doing out here?

We were worried sick.

What's wrong?

I wonder what they're

trying to tell us.

ANNOUNCER:

And now...

Washington, D.C.'s

leading morning news program,

"The Morning News."

Good morning.

I'm Ross Giggins.

For our top story,

we turn now to Cindy Campbell.

Thank you, Ross.

There's a developing story

in Middleburg at this hour.

A mysterious

crop circle appeared

in local farmer Tom Logan's

cornfield.

Elaborate prank

or extraterrestrial phenomenon?

We'll update you as soon as we

have any further information.

But either way,

it's clear something strange

is happening in that small town.

Ross?

I'm sorry.

I wasn't listening.

Coming up, more news after this.

- Cindy, you got a second?

- Sure.

I want you to take a look at

this for that strip club expos.

But I'd rather stick with

the crop circle story.

Oh, come on. You know

those things are just a hoax.

No, I'm telling you, I sense

something about that cornfield.

Call it women's intuition

or ESPN or both.

But I can tell

when danger's near.

[Gasps]

Ow!

Ow!

My eyes!

Cindy, it's sweeps month.

Ratings mean everything.

People want

human interest stories.

Like the one you did yesterday.

The report

on breast augmentation?

It was just 10 minutes

of topless women.

I mean, come on.

MAN:
Wow!

Why are these so interesting?

Oh, for God's sake.

[Sighs]

People don't care about this.

They want hard-hitting stories

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