Scandal Sheet Page #4

Tell him you're a club date. Con him.

Get his life history.

- And there's your feature for tomorrow.

- Mark Chapman, Junior.

It'll sell papers, you left that out.

Happy hunting, cupid.

Mustn't let the boss down.

Save at least one dance for me, princess.

Every time I aim my lens

at one of these walking zombies,

I think of the time

I covered the Miss America contest.

The tears almost start to flow.

From McCleary, you get nothing but service.

Ten minutes before 9:00,

and couple number one. Mary and Joe

met in front of the Arkansas booth.

It was love at first sight, almost. Right?

Well, sure. I'm from Texas,

but I sure love that Arkansas cooking.

- You love her, don't you?

- Well, sure, I reckon so.

- Mary, you love him?

- Yes.

- See, they're crazy about each other.

- Yeah, that's fine. Hey, Edwards.

We've got a romance going here.

They're ready for the orange blossoms.

- Well, how do you do? And congratulations.

- Save the teeth for the bandstand.

Get up there

and make the big announcement.

Yes, sir, Mr. Chapman.

Come with me, you lucky, lucky people.

Hey, you ain't gonna forget about the bed

with the built-in television set?

You'll spend your honeymoon in front of it.

- Nice going, Steve, keep punching.

- I'll get the camera boys up to cover it.

- Did you find a feature to write about yet?

- I haven't, and I don't intend to.

This bribing of poor, ignorant dopes

into a public wedding

is cheap, cruel and disgusting.

This whole Wild West show is ridiculous,

and I want no part of it.

Miss Allison,

your contract has six months to run.

My contract was made with Mr. Madison

before you took over the Express.

If you don't like the way I run the paper,

I have an agreement

that might be satisfactory to both of us.

Take six months' vacation with pay!

No, thank you, Mr. Chapman. I'll work it out.

I like my feature writing.

Thinking people like it, too,

even though there aren't many of them

buying the Express anymore. Good night!

That's it.

Friends, brothers and sisters

in the Lonely Hearts Club.

I have wonderful news for you,

living proof that this magnificent club

is more than just a name.

But first, how would you like to meet

the great man who created your club?

Mr. Mark Chapman,

editor of the New York Express.

Put the spotlight on him, over there!

Now here's the wonderful news.

Meet Mary and Joe, two happy people

who came here tonight as total strangers.

They met, they danced, they found love.

They're going to get married!

George?

- As the first couple who fell in love tonight...

- George Grant!

...Mary and Joe will receive...

- It is you!

...compliments of the Express...

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