Neil Diamond. Hot August night, 1972.
My water broke.
Eversince then, I've had this|cosmic connection with Neil.
It's about me and my two pals,|Darren and J.D.
That's J.D. He's lactose intolerant.
And he's not very bright.
That's Darren Silverman.
He's a romantic.
That's me, Wayne.
I'm loyal to my friends.
-I'd beat you up if you weren't a girl.|-Me too.
We stayed best friends|throughout high school.
I was the third-string quarterback.
Hey, what did you say|I didn't really motherf*cking hear you.
Yeah, yeah you|Yeah you, yeah you, yeah you
Oh, that's Sandy.
Yeah, Darren's always|had a thing for her.
When you're up against a Warbird
You're upside down!
Oh, that's Coach Norton.
Two things you got to remember, boys.
Stay away from women.
All they want from you|is your man juice.
...if you get any urges that you can't|suppress with hard liquor, use this.
-Oh, number two....|-Sportsmanship.
Le Fessier! Get out there!
I'm just gonna get my helmet.
Hey, guys! Guys, I'm in!
-See, he's going in!|-Oh, my God!
Go, Wayne! Go, Wayne!
Blue 48! Blue 48!
But now we're all grown-up.
Recently he was promoted...
Okay, McNugent,|let's see what you got.
...three sizes of bevy are small,|medium and what?
-Big?|-Like we practiced. You can do this.
Okay, we'll come back to you.
This guy's my stinkiest student|by far.
Trimball, let's see your sub.
No, no. Meat on the inside,|bread outside.
Okay, take it away.
Take it away!
He's top of his class, and for his|thesis he made a party sub.
Heston, where's the party sub?
...pull your pants up|or no more Matlock.
I started my own business.
What are we dealing with here?
I don't know, but it sounds big.
Stay back. I'm going in.
So you're causing|all this trouble, huh?
Hey there. Hello.
Here's the ferocious beast, huh?
Hey, where's your mommy?
Get off! Get it off!
Is it dead?
But she is in one deep coon coma.
But we all have one mystical thing|in common: Our love for Neil.
That's ourband,|Diamonds in the Rough.
Hey, I'm Darren.
Do you, maybe, want to grab|a drink with me?
I'm sorry. I'm involved.
With a real entertainer.
You don't want|a chick who'd f*ck a mime.
Dude, what does a mime look like|when it's having sex anyway?
It's probably like:
"l'm a mime. I'm a mime."
Hey, mimes don't talk.
They do when they're off duty.
It's not her. It's all women.
The only girl I ever loved...
...walked out of my life years ago.
Her family was with the circus.
Her dad was The Strong Man.
Hermom was The Bearded Lady.
Herbrother was The Dog-faced Boy.
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"Saving Silverman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 15 Sep. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/saving_silverman_17524>.