Saving Silverman

Synopsis: Two dim-witted former high school buddys and Neil Diamond fanactics, Wayne and J.D., plot to keep their friend Darren from marrying the wrong woman, a domineering and spiteful psychologist named Judith by kidnapping her and trying to set Darren up with his old high school girlfriend Sandy who plans to become a nun.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Romance
Director(s): Dennis Dugan
Production: Columbia Pictures
 
IMDB:
5.9
Metacritic:
22
Rotten Tomatoes:
18%
PG-13
Year:
2001
90 min
$18,968,154
Website
20 Views

Neil Diamond. Hot August night, 1972.

That concert rocked and rolled.|I know because I was there.

That's me.

My water broke.

Eversince then, I've had this|cosmic connection with Neil.

But this story isn't about Neil.

It's about me and my two pals,|Darren and J.D.

Best friends since fifth grade.

That's J.D. He's lactose intolerant.

And he's not very bright.

That's Darren Silverman.

He's a romantic.

But when it comes to women,|he's incredibly gullible.

That's me, Wayne.

I'm loyal to my friends.

-I'd beat you up if you weren't a girl.|-Me too.

After that, I started working out.

We stayed best friends|throughout high school.

I was the third-string quarterback.

J.D. became the school mascot.

Hey, what did you say|I didn't really motherf*cking hear you.

Yeah, yeah you|Yeah you, yeah you, yeah you

And Darren joined|the cheerleading squad.

Oh, that's Sandy.

Yeah, Darren's always|had a thing for her.

When you're up against a Warbird

You're upside down!

Oh, that's Coach Norton.

He was a big influence in our lives.|He taught us many things.

Two things you got to remember, boys.

Number one:
Stay away from women.

All they want from you|is your man juice.

Now...

...if you get any urges that you can't|suppress with hard liquor, use this.

-Oh, number two....|-Sportsmanship.

Sportsmanship.

Sportsmanship.

You fairy wimp fruit bag!

You suck!

Le Fessier! Get out there!

I'm just gonna get my helmet.

Hey, guys! Guys, I'm in!

-See, he's going in!|-Oh, my God!

Go, Wayne! Go, Wayne!

Blue 48! Blue 48!

Go! Set!

Hike!

But now we're all grown-up.

J.D. is rapidly working his way|up the ladder at Subway.

Recently he was promoted...

...to temporary second assistant manager|in charge of training.

Okay, McNugent,|let's see what you got.

I've been working on them for 8 weeks.|I present the future of Subway.

Bellston...

...three sizes of bevy are small,|medium and what?

-Big?|-Like we practiced. You can do this.

L....

Long!

Okay, we'll come back to you.

This guy's my stinkiest student|by far.

Trimball, let's see your sub.

No, no. Meat on the inside,|bread outside.

Okay, take it away.

Take it away!

Don't judge me on those two guys.|This next guy's my protg.

He's top of his class, and for his|thesis he made a party sub.

Heston, where's the party sub?

Darren is a social director|at a retirement home.

B-17.

Bingo.

Bingo.

Abe...

...pull your pants up|or no more Matlock.

I started my own business.

What are we dealing with here?

I don't know, but it sounds big.

Stay back. I'm going in.

Careful, sonny.

So you're causing|all this trouble, huh?

Come here.

Hey there. Hello.

Here's the ferocious beast, huh?

Hey, where's your mommy?

Get off! Get it off!

Is it dead?

No.

But she is in one deep coon coma.

Stop it!

But we all have one mystical thing|in common: Our love for Neil.

That's ourband,|Diamonds in the Rough.

Hey, I'm Darren.

Sophie.

Do you, maybe, want to grab|a drink with me?

I'm sorry. I'm involved.

With a real entertainer.

I can't believe I got blown off again.|I'll never meet the right girl.

You don't want|a chick who'd f*ck a mime.

Dude, what does a mime look like|when it's having sex anyway?

It's probably like:

"l'm a mime. I'm a mime."

Hey, mimes don't talk.

They do when they're off duty.

It's not her. It's all women.

I'm really afraid that|there's nobody out there for me.

The only girl I ever loved...

...walked out of my life years ago.

Sandy Perkus.

-Rememberher?|-Smile.

Her family was with the circus.

Her dad was The Strong Man.

Hermom was The Bearded Lady.

Herbrother was The Dog-faced Boy.

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Hank Nelken

Hank Nelken is an American screenwriter, best known for the comedy Are We Done Yet?. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Saving Silverman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 15 Sep. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/saving_silverman_17524>.

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