Road to Utopia

For those of you who

don't go to the movies,

let me introduce myself.

My name is

Robert Benchley.

Well, no matter.

For one reason or another,

the motion picture which

you are about to see...

is not very

clear in spots.

As a matter of fact,

it was made to demonstrate how

not to make a motion picture...

and at the same time

win an Academy Award.

Now, someone in what is

known as ''the front office''...

has thought that an

occasional word from me...

might help clarify

the plot and other vague

portions of the film.

Personally, I doubt it.

Shall we go?

It's 8:
00, Pa.

Bedtime.

Put down that paper.

In a minute, Ma.

In a minute.

Land's sakes, pa.

Sittin'there night after night

pouring your eyes out

over that old stock market.

Think by now

you'd be tired of it.

Well, 'tain't easy, ma,

to change the habits of a lifetime.

Lot of nonsense--all that

buyin'and sellin'-- Bulls and Bears.

Can't see how

a body can figure it out.

Right now it's

kind of bearish,

Ma, kind of bearish.

Come along,

it's 8:
00.

I'm not a child. I know

when it's time to go to bed.

Pa!

It's time.

Come on, Pa.

Doc says I can stay

up till half past.

I know, but by the time

we get your ears washed

and your teeth put away--

All right, I guess.

Here we go.

Look and see if

everything got up with me.

#For always #

Do you hear

what I hear?

I hope not.

That voice.

What voice?

Listen. What does it

sound like?

Who'd be sellin'

fish at this hour?

After 3 5 years--

Pa, you don't think--

Oh, no,

it couldn't be.

But it is. That voice.

I'd know it anywhere.

You would, huh?

Shuck and gosh darn it.

And I thought this was

gonna be an ''A'' picture.

Duke!

Sal!

Duke.!

Sal!

It isn't true.

I don't believe it.

Just got in from Alaska

and I came right to you.

Right from out

of the grave.

Nice diggin', hmm?

My, uh, nieces.

Girls, old friends of

your uncle's, the Hootons.

How do you do?

Just think, 3 5 years, Duke.

It doesn't seem possible.

Sal, let me look at you.

You're a sight for sore eyes.

And Chester,

you're a sight.

Don't forget a man is

just as young as he feels.

Take 'em away. The doctor

says I can't have 'em anymore.

You've got very little

to complain about.

You won the girl,

got the gold mine-- All this.

Things have surely

stacked up well for you.

Who's doin' your

stackin' lately?

Chester!

Girls, the Hootons and I

have a few things to discuss.

If you'll run along, Uncle will

meet you later at the club.

Nice goin',

''Uncle.''

Nice family tree and

the limbs ain't bad either.

Duke, tell us

all about Alaska.

We left you for dead.

How did you ever get away?

It's a long story.

I wouldn't want to bore you.

It's never

stopped you before.

Tell us.

You remember when

it all started.

Chester and I were

playing San Francisco.

The turn of the century.

There was gold in the Klondike

and San Francisco was wide open.

A million suckers just

waitin' to be clipped.

There was excitement

and adventure.

There was romance.

And one night, you remember,

there was murder.

This is a device

known as ''the flashback.''

Okay, George.

Gold!

Millions!

Open up.

What happened?

Sperry, McGurk...

the window.

What is it,

Mr. Lattimer?

They got it--

The map, your father's mine.

The police

will get them.

Never.

They're too smart.

But Mr. Lattimer--

Alaska--

Go to Skagway.

Ask for Ace Larson.

Ace Larson?

Where do I arrange my passage?

No time, lady.

Get it on board.

- Take it away,Joe.

- Right, Cap.

You better hurry,

we're shovin' off.

Thank you.

Take it away,

boys.

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