Rize Page #7

I was just beginning.

I seen him perform...

and I was already labeled

as the tightest clown dancer.

I said to myself,

"I want him to be under me.

"I wanted to take him under

my wing so I can train him."

'Cause I think he got potential

to be just as tight as I am...

because I see some

of my characteristics in him.

I knew about his background

before I knew him...

'cause people would tell me,

"This dude has problems.

"He doesn't go to school.

He has no clothes.

"His brother stays

in and out of jail."

I used to be like that.

My moms, she... she in jail.

She in jail 'cause...

she don't wanna live right.

She been smoking dope

for as long as I know...

since I was a baby,

since before I was born.

He's had a lot of obstacles.

His mom, um,

had a drug problem...

and he's had to face a lot of

challenges as a young person...

more so

than the average young person...

who has the advantage

a having a mom who was sober...

or a dad who was sober.

He calls me mom, you know...

but not just his mom,

his play mom...

but I'm proud to be his pastor.

My dad, he was my idol...

'cause I never saw

a man do so much...

and make so much

of the day like he did.

I saw him

as a father figure...

and a role model

at the same time.

He was my friend, also.

I see, like, lights

flashing in the back.

Then my mom comes,

and she's telling me...

she's like, "I'm gonna tell you

your dad committed suicide."

You know...

shot hisself in the head

in the backyard.

You know, came home,

we found him like this.

He was the only child

that kept it...

kind of quietly inside of him.

I felt as if...

I was his only child

that didn't cry...

you know, at the funeral

like everybody else did.

I didn't, you know,

rant and rave.

So for a long time,

I thought, you know,

does that mean

I loved him any less?

And I realized

it doesn't mean that.

It's just that everybody

mourns in a different way.

I've been in a lot

of family situations.

I've been shot

by a family member.

My grandfather

shot me in my arm.

Right here.

Went in through this way

and came out through here.

I was trying to protect

my mom 'cause he was drunk.

And I was looking at my body,

looking at my baby's body...

and I seen blood.

We didn't know where

the blood was coming from.

Chance was standing

on the right side of me.

I don't know how...

how the bullet hit me...

and the gun was pointed directly

to my little brother's back.

She was holding

my little brother.

It must have been God,

'cause turned the bullet...

from when it hit the middle,

it must have turned the bullet.

It ricocheted off

of something...

and went straight

through my arm.

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