Ricky Gervais Live 2: Politics

Synopsis: A year after Animals, Ricky Gervais comes back with his second stand up comedy tour: Politics.
68 min

Thank you.

Hello, Chicago.

How are you?

Wow wow.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

I, um...

Thank you. Thank you.

That was an amazing welcome.

I should explain something


Usually when I come out

onstage, it's amazing, okay?

I'm doing cartwheels

and backflips.

It's f***ing spectacular,


But I've hurt my back.

That's true actually.

I've pulled a muscle in

my spine playing golf.

I know what you're thinking...

Serves me right for playing

such a stupid game as golf.

But no, I've been in agony.

I'm actually on painkillers right now,

so... No, it's true.

If I suddenly start talking like

Paula Abdul, you'll know why.

I'm not drunk.

So when the doctor...

This is true.

When the doctor gave me

the painkillers,

he said, "Now, you can't

drink alcohol with these."

And I went, "I don't

want them then."

And he went, "What?"

I said, "Give me something

you can drink alcohol with."

And he went, "Well, you're not meant

to drink with any painkillers."

"Who are you,

my f***ing mother?


So I've been walking round

like the elephant man for days,

but without the big cock


I assume he had a big elephant's

cock to match the head.

That would make things

all right then, wouldn't it?

That would sort of

balance it out,

because then he'd look in the

mirror and he'd sort of go,

"Oh no.

Oh look at that f***ing head.

Hold on, though.

What's going on down here?"

Like, "Hey!"

Swings it round about.

"So let's celebrate.

The buns are on me."

So yeah, that's my problems.

I didn't cancel though.

Don't you hate that,

when a night is canceled?

You turn up, it goes, "Concert

canceled due to sore throat."

Aw. Or "I couldn't go on.

I was depressed."

Aw, poor little artist.

Can you imagine

the laborer trying that?

Turning up and going, "I've got a

little tickle and I'm fed up."

Aw, move

the f***ing bricks, mate.

Never cancel.

I had a gig in Dublin

a couple of months ago, okay?

- And as you know, Dublin is in Ireland...

Which is off of...

Yeah, it's off the coast of Great Britain.

It's not part of Britain,

but it's very close.

It's sort of like

our Cuba, I suppose.

It's like...


And... and so...

Okay, so Dublin, O2 arena,

10,000 seats sold out

well in advance,

flights booked,

really looking forward to it.

A few days before the gig,

they start grounding

the airplanes

because there's a volcanic ash

cloud over Britain, okay?

And if you fly through it,


it would make the plane

fall out of the sky.

And it was like that was it.

You couldn't fly in that.

I mean, a volcano goes off

in Iceland and we can't...

What's the point

of Iceland, really?

You know what I mean?

What are they think...

Just fill in all the volcanoes

with concrete, okay?


In fact, tarmac the whole country

and make it a car park

for real Europe,

because it's a waste

of f***ing space, okay?

And so I'm thinking,

"Well, I've gotta get there.

I can't cancel."

And there were pop stars and

people coming over from America,

and they were canceling their flight

because they couldn't get in and out.

I thought, "I can't."

So I hired a helicopter

to and from Dublin.

It cost me L12,000, right.

Just because I couldn't bear

to let anyone down

or take the ferry.

That was...

They were still running, sure.

But that would have meant

mixing with the general public,

and I don't...

This is about as close

as I ever... you know.


I don't know if you were affected

by the volcanic ash cloud,

but I had friends that were

stuck all over the world.

And they missed weddings

and funerals,

and they had to

put themselves up in a hotel

for extra days

they hadn't budgeted for.

And they couldn't get their money back

because the airlines were saying,

"No, we can't pay you because the

insurance companies won't pay us,

because they're saying

it's an act of God."

Well, what isn't an act of God?

Look, if you believe in God,

that's sort of a definition

of him, isn't it?

That he does everything.

Isn't that right?

Everything is an act of him.

He's all-powerful.

He's everywhere at once.

He invented every...

There was nothing before him.

He invented time, everything.

He's across it all.

He doesn't miss a trick

and he's not absent-minded.

A volcano going off isn't like him

going, "F***, I left the oven on."

You know, it's...

And who are these

insurance companies

that can decide what is

and isn't an act of God?

How do they know?

Have they got a hotline to God?

They call him up, do they?

Ring ring.

Ring ring.


"Uh, can I speak

to God, please?"


"Oh, I didn't think you'd

answer the phone yourself."

"What do you want?"

"Oh, um, that volcanic ash cloud...

Was that you?"

"Yeah yeah.

Yes, that was

an act of me, all right."

"So I shouldn't pay out?"

"No, don't f***ing pay 'em

a penny, son, no."

"Brilliant brilliant.

While I've got you here,

did you make a tree fall

on Steve Baxter's car?"

"There's a lot

of Steve Baxters."

"Steve Baxter, 2 Acacia Road, Hounslow.

It happened at 2:15 on the

3rd of June this year."

15, 3rd of...

No, that wasn't me.

I was in Africa that day

giving AIDS to babies."

He does everything.

He does everything.

Mm, I don't make the rules.

And well, I'm glad I didn't cancel

because it's fantastic to be here

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Ricky Gervais

Ricky Dene Gervais (; born 25 June 1961) is an English stand-up comedian, actor, writer, producer, director, and singer. Gervais worked initially in the music industry, attempting a career as a pop star in the 1980s as the singer of the new wave act Seona Dancing and working as the manager of the then-unknown band Suede before turning to comedy. Gervais appeared on The 11 O'Clock Show on Channel 4 between 1998 and 2000. In 2000, he was given a Channel 4 talk show, Meet Ricky Gervais, and then achieved greater mainstream fame a year later with his BBC television series The Office. It was followed by Extras in 2005. He co-wrote and co-directed both series with Stephen Merchant. In addition to writing and directing the shows, he played the lead roles of David Brent in The Office and Andy Millman in Extras. He reprised his role as Brent in the comedy film Life on the Road. Gervais began his stand-up career in the late 1990s. He has performed five multi-national stand-up comedy tours and wrote the Flanimals book series. Gervais, Merchant and Karl Pilkington created the podcast, The Ricky Gervais Show, which has spawned various spin-offs starring Pilkington and produced by Gervais and Merchant.He has also starred in the Hollywood films Ghost Town, and Muppets Most Wanted, and wrote, directed and starred in The Invention of Lying and the Netflix released Special Correspondents. He hosted the Golden Globe Awards in 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2016, and appears on the game show Child Support. Gervais has won seven BAFTA Awards, five British Comedy Awards, two Emmy Awards, three Golden Globe Awards and the 2006 Rose d'Or, as well as a Screen Actors Guild Award nomination. In a 2004 poll for the BBC, he was named the third most influential person in British culture. In 2007, he was voted the 11th greatest stand-up comic on Channel 4's 100 Greatest Stand-Ups and again in the updated 2010 list as the 3rd greatest stand-up comic. In 2010, he was named on the Time 100 list of the world's most influential people. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Ricky Gervais Live 2: Politics" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ricky_gervais_live_2:_politics_16918>.

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