Return of the Secaucus Seven Page #5

Lacey's one of those things that

Katie and Mike don't agree on.

It was way before they were together.

-Maybe we'd better get our seats.

-Hope she's good.

"Lacey Summers returns for her

second year with our company...

...having graced such productions

as Plaza Suite, The Drunkard...

...Midsummer Night's Dream."

She probably played a toadstool.

"Has appeared in several

off-Broadway productions."

That means dinner theater in Yonkers.

"And has

studied under--"

Well, she's done something under those

guys, but study isn't what I'd call it.

You're heartless. Her parents might

be sitting behind us or something.

Lacey didn't have parents. She was

grown like a bacteria on one of those....

-Frances, those...?

-Petri dishes.

Right. That accounts for

her microscopic talent.

Jesus. Will you give her a

chance? Maybe she's getting better.

She wasn't bad in that thing

we saw her in last year.

Well cast. The director exploited

her personality disorders.

The air sickness bags are

located under your seats.

Katie!

But, lady, the captain

leaves the sea for battle.

Then I shall follow him.

For a lady to

follow a soldier--

'Tis improper for a lady, true,

but for a soldier, 'tis duty.

-My lady, no.

-Yes, Meg. My course is charted.

But if the captain

should learn--

He must not learn. And in

this, I'll need your aid.

The campfire's doused, the battle o'er,

but the vanquished heedless of the cost.

In love's sweet bonds, where captive

held, our hearts in rapture's prison lost.

An attack of Legionnaires'

disease, maybe...

...and we were afraid to

come back and infect the cast.

I'm sure Lacey's immune to

it. She's immune to everything.

Including criticism.

You were right, Mike, she is getting

better. Another 50 years, and who knows?

Well, the play was so stupid.

I liked it.

Fantastic, you go first.

So the gray-haired one says to the

white-haired one, "lsn't she sweet?" Sweet.

Katie.

Come on. This is Lacey they're

talking about. I thought I'd vomit.

But it's supposed to be broad.

There's a difference between being

broad and being like a TV show.

I mean, that was like a

take-off on a play, not a play.

Yeah, maybe you've been

to more plays than I have.

Chip, your parents have taken you to

the theater since you were 6 years old.

Got sort of itchy, huh?

Well, I always do when I see people

on-stage and I think I could do better.

You see all that space

just going to waste.

Boy, there was a couple spaces

there tonight I wanted to jump up...

...and bust into the

"Wabash Cannonball."

It would've helped the play.

-You guys coming with us?

-No, we're gonna walk, okay?

Okay.

-Frances?

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