Red Garters Page #3

Men

A man is stubborn as a mule

He don't learn half enough in school

The only thing that drives him is his ego

A woman likes to criticize

She wants to dominate the guys

If she were smart she'd be a man's amigo

Man and woman

Day and night

They always try

to make the other see the light

A man don't know what's good for him

A gal jumps in where she can't swim

Same old thing wherever he and she go

Man and woman

Friend and foe

They're just as far apart as yes and no

Women

They like to spend all we can spare

The woman only wants her share

But to her that's just an appetizer

The woman knows how things should be

Then why ask us if we agree?

To build you up

we make you think you're wiser

Man and woman

Jack and Jill

They blame each other

when they tumble down the hill

Why, a man don't know the mess he makes

A woman never makes mistakes?

Her worst mistake is letting him advise her

Man and woman

Duck and drake

They each think

they're the icing on the cake

Men

Women

You bite off more than you can chew

Why, there ain't a thing a man can't do

I'd like to see you try to be a mother

Okay, be a mother sure you can

But just try to be one without a man

The husband is the better half

When I hear that I have to laugh

But the husband is the family head

The wife can kick him out of bed

A woman likes to flaunt her shape

A man is nothing but an ape

I get my way by acting tough

I drop my neckline just enough.

Man and woman

Sharp and flat

They never seem to get along

Even when they're right, they're wrong

Man and woman

Dog and cat

They never think alike and that is that

That's that

Calaveras, I was just fixing

to go get the food.

I noticed you picked up a couple of dishes.

Now, I was waiting for you.

Listen, you're fussing at me,

where's that stranger?

He's probably off somewhere

minding his own business.

-Why don't you do the same?

-What do you mean?

I'm getting sick and tired of you

starting fights over Susana.

It's time you realized

that anything a man tries to do to her...

-that she can't talk him out of or run away--

-Calaveras.

That's a mighty delicate subject.

It might be delicate to you,

but to most women it's just shoptalk.

Incidentally, what were you doing

with the Dorgan Sisters, talking shop?

No, just talking.

-Jason, will you do me one great big favor?

-Anything you want, darling.

Please don't get yourself shot today.

I can't stand loud noises.

You got no cause to talk to me that way.

I'll go get the food.

You know, ma'am, looking at you

is like listening to a violin.

-Why, the music has stopped.

-No, ma'am, you're wrong. It'll never stop.

I'll hear it the rest of my life.

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