Ready to Rumble

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It is safe to assume

that professional wrestlers...

...are universally recognized

as the greatest athletes of all time.

Sammartino, Blassie,

Gorgeous George...

...George "The Animal" Steele,

Superfly Snooka...

...Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan.

These are heroes of history.

Superior athletes...

...superior men.

Giants come and go in this great sport

of ours, but there is only one king:

Jimmy King.

Jimmy King is the greatest

wrestler of all time.

He's undefeated,

and he holds the record...

...for the longest winning streak in

the history of professional wrestling.

King says, and I quote:

"People said I was a dreamer...

...an idiot, and a waste of life,

and I will never amount to anything."

Hey, jackass.

You're a waste of life. Why don't you

go amount to nothing somewhere else?

And I told you little turdlets not to

park your junk in front of the shop!

Wrestling is for retards!

"Jimmy King's the greatest!"

You guys are as dumb as paint.

Really dumb paint.

Gentlemen, I'm sorry.

Listen, Jimmy King is

the people's champion.

He's immortal, timeless.

He can raise the dead!

Can he really raise the dead? My dog,

Skipper, is buried under my sandbox.

Well, I don't know

about your dog, Skipper.

But don't worry,

because tomorrow night...

...Jimmy King is gonna whup

Diamond Dallas Page's ass.

We're gonna be there.

Right, Gordie?

Gordie?

Gordie?

What do you want, boob?

Purple sugar slush, king-size.

That'll be $1.26.

$1.25. That's all I got.

That's just not good enough,

now, is it, you little boob?

You little Jimmy the King fan boob!

Jimmy King's a big fat loser!

He's a sissy in tights!

There's a lot of glare coming off

that dome of yours, squirrel nuts!

Listen, sunshine...

...l'm gonna open up a fresh can

of whup-ass on you, boy!

Bring it on!

Tag me! Tag me!

Now you're gonna get it!

You messed with

the "Macho Man" Randy Savage!

I'm gonna get you! Yeah!

Bam! Bam! Bam!

King!

One! Two! Three!

Gordie?

Whoa, serious brain freeze.

That icy sugar locked up my nog-nog.

What about me, guy?

I was thirsty too.

I'll get you a refill.

No, don't sweat it.

The guy's a moron.

Come on, I feel bad.

Hey, Gordie?

Yeah?

Why does it look like you have

your finger in your butt?

Because I do.

Jerko, what do you want?

- I need a new sugar slush.

- Why?

There's something wrong

with this one. Smell it.

That's awful.

I know.

Smells like...

- Like...

- Like my ass, right?

- Or maybe your ass. It's weird, huh?

- Like a bitter, sour ass!

Like you poured it from your butt.

I will get you another one ASAP.

- Thanks.

- It's so bad.

How could you drink that?

I struggled through most of it, but

the butt-fruit settled at the bottom.

Freeze, loafer!

Come on. Keep your hands

where I can see them.

Come on, you know the drill.

You got any stuff on you?

Whoa. What's this?

My nuts.

Listen, pal, wouldn't you rather

be on the other side of this search?

You want me to grab your nuts?

Whoa. Yeah, you too.

Come on, sweetheart. Join the party.

Keep your hands where I can see them!

Dad, you gotta cut the crap

with the shakedowns.

You're gonna be a good cop, Gordie.

It'll change your life.

Look what it's done

for your mom and your sister.

What is this crap?

Wrestling?

Wrestling's fake.

Wrestling's not fake!

I like wrestling.

Are you gonna be a wrestler?

You got trouble...

...wrestling your wee-wee out

of your trousers to take a leak.

It's not that I have trouble.

Just sometimes I don't see the point.

Gordon.

Wrestling's a game for little boys.

Police work's for men.

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