Pump Up the Volume Page #4

of the student population."

Guidance counselors.

lf they knew anything

about career moves...

would they have ended up

as guidance counselors?

What do you say

we call Deaver up, huh?

Hard Harry

just happens to have...

the home phone numbers

of every employee...

of the Paradise Hills

school commission.

Here we go.

There you are, Mr. Deavski.

Deaver residence.

David Deaver speaking.

Hey, this is WKPS.

You're live.

We're doing a piece

on high schools.

We understand that you're

a guidance counselor.

I'm head of guidance...

here at Hubert Humphrey High

in Paradise Hills, Arizona.

l've been here seven years.

Could you tell us a bit

about what you do?

I run a comprehensive

American values program.

ln which we discuss...

ethical situations...

sex education,

drug awareness...

What do you say to young people

who look around at the world...

and see that it's become,

you know, like, a...

a sleazy country, you know?

A place you just can't trust.

Like your school, for example.

How come it wins

all of these awards...

and yet students

are dropping out like flies?

Why is that?

Now, my listeners are curious

about your participation...

in the decision

to expel Cheryl Biggs.

l-- l...

I'm not aware

of anything like that.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Well, that's not true, sir.

"Cheryl refuses to

accept suggestions...

"of a more positive

mental attitude...

"towards her health

and her future.

"I find no alternative

but to suggest suspension."

Who is this?

How did you get this number?

Do you admit it, sir?

Admit what?

That you're slime.

Now, wait just a minute.

You interview a student,

and then you rat on her.

You betrayed her trust.

lsn't that right, sir?

Well, as you can see,

these guys are played out.

Society is mutating

so rapidly...

that anyone over the age

of twenty really has no idea.

All right.

Back down to business.

"I share a room

with my older brother.

"Nearly every night

after he turns off his light...

"he comes over to my bed...

"and gives me

a few arm noogies and stuff.

"And then he makes me

scratch his back...

"and other refinements."

Well, it's about time we had

some refinements on this show.

"Then sooner or later,

he gets worked up...

"and without further ado...

"he rubs his thing

and makes me watch."

Signed yourself "Screwed Up."

Well, first of all,

you're not screwed up.

You're an unscrewed-up reaction

to a screwed-up situation.

Feeling screwed up

in a screwed-up place...

in a screwed-up time does not

mean that you are screwed up.

lf you catch my drift.

Now, as you know,

dear listeners...

if you enclose your number...

a reply is guaranteed.

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