Problem Child 2

Synopsis: Junior's back in his first adventure since his last! Junior and Ben move to Mortville which seems like the perfect town to live in. The Healys have a nice new house--and Junior get's a cool new room! And young women have formed a line at Ben's door in order to get a piece of him (romantically). Ben does feel he should get remarried so Junior can have a mom, so while Junior adjusts to his new school which includes a little girl who's as bratty as Junior and a teenage brain-dead ignoramous bully in Junior's sixth grade class, Ben finds some dates, which Junior sends running for the hills, in the meantime Junior pulls his infamous tricks on people: blowing up barbecues, taping the bully to the chalkboard, videotaping his babysitter and her boyfriend having sex and broadcasting it for the whole neighborhood to see, same old same old. Meanwhile, Ben meets the gorgeous school nurse (after the school's satellite dish get's pushed on his head) and they, well he, believes it's love at first sit
Genre: Comedy, Family
Director(s): Brian Levant
Production: MCA Universal Home Video
  3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
90 min

Junior, this is kind of a sentimental moment.

Cold River is where I was born and raised.

Everyone I know is here.

Got fond memories of this place.

Fond memories? What are you talking about?

Everybody hated you. Your father, your wife,

those horrible neighbours...

You're right. Let's blow this joint!

Yah! Whoo-ha!

When the pressure's on and you're all alone

Take a little ride into the danger zone

When the moon is high

And the skies are clear

Just show me a sign and we'll be outta here

Take me up on a wing and a prayer...


If you need a friend, you know...

I'll be there

Hound dogs howlin' all through the night

Eight miles high and I'm doin' all right

Better move over

'Cause you're goin' too slow

I feel the need for freedom

Now it's time to go

It's a fine line between pleasure and pain

Let your conscience be your guide

Till we meet again

Your time has come

You can stand or you can run

But don't keep it all inside

'Cause you gotta understand

That there ain't no second chance

No one gets outta here alive

Only the strong survive...

We're finally here.

Take me up on a wing and a prayer

If you need someone, you know...

I'll be there

Your time has come

You can stand or you can run

But don't keep it all inside

'Cause you gotta understand

That there ain't no second chance

No one gets outta here alive

Only the strong survive...

Only the strong survive...

- Is it the one with the yellow roof?

- No.

- Is it the one with the purple flowers?

- No.

The one with the "Sold" sign in the yard?


Only the strong survive

Dad, come on. Let's go. Quick!

Oh, my God!

- Look at that hunk.

- Hubba hubba.

And the realtor says he's single.


- What do you think, Junior?

- Great.

Come on! Quick, Dad!

Whoa! Totally awesome!

- Radical!

- You like it?

Wow! It's fantastic!

Wait till you see your bedroom.


- Home, sweet home!

- Yeah, that's right!

This place is gigantic.

You could play football in here.

- Hit me, I'm open.

- Here's the bomb. OK...

So here we are, starting our new life.

It's nice having a guy who loves me.

Usually, people take one look

and run screaming for the hills.

You know, I think me and Dad

are gonna do all right together.

Should I spike you?

No, it's illegal to spike kids.

Come here, buddy.

It's just you and me, Junior.

Hang on a second.

Somebody's at the door.

Hi, I wanted to welcome you

to our little neighbourhood

so I baked you a...

.. cherry pie.

That's so sweet. Look, Junior.

She baked us a cherry pie.

How thoughtful.

All right! First and ten!

Junior! What are you doing?

I want you to apologise to this kind lady.

Oh! You're even better-looking up close.

Excuse me.


- Dad, what about football?

- Thank you.

We can play later. Don't you want

to meet these wonderful ladies?

Out of the way, girls!

Oh, thank God! Another man!

Another Joe I can talk to.

I'm going crazy living here.

You know, Mortville.

The divorcee capital of the world.

Anyway, we're having a barbecue. So I

thought I'd be neighbourly and invite you over.

I'm Aron Burger, I live next door.

My name is Ben Healy

and this is my son, Junior.

Funny-looking kid.

Anyway, we'll take this with us.

Well, neighbour,

what do you think of my cooker?

- Very... large.

- You bet.

Cost me a whole month's paycheck,

but it's worth it.

You're not impressed.

I guess your wife does the cooking.

No, I'm... not married, actually.

We... broke up.

And you got the kid? Bad deal!

Did you get screwed!

This neighbourhood has a move-in fee.

You have to give each of us ten dollars.

20 bucks?! I'm not giving you diddly-squat.

Pay us or leave!

And with a 50-1 chick to stud ratio

in this town, you gotta get started.

Dad, can we go?

These people are real d*cks.

Well, excuse me, Your Highness.

I didn't realise that simple little me

and my simple little family

weren't good enough

for your high and mighty tastes.

Hey, I should go and slip on my silk tuxedo

and then we can trot out

the champagne and the escargots.

Junior. Try to be polite. We're his guests.

OK, Dad.

- I'm sorry about that.

- It's all right.

We've taken a long trip

and he's just a little tired.

My girls are the same way. Brats.

Healy, go make yourself useful.

Get some more barbecue sauce

from the little woman.

Barbecue sauce. Sure thing, neighbour.

Here's to the start of a beautiful meal.


This one's not getting away.


- My first day of school.

- I'm so proud of you.

You're such a good girl.

Junior, get out of this car.

You are going to school!

No way! I'd rather eat a turd.


third grade is the foundation

of a great education.

If you don't go, you'll only hurt yourself.

I'll take a couple others down with me.


I am your father and you'll do as I say!

Now, come on.

Now look what you've done.

Get over here.

Take this. Goodbye and good luck.

It's his first day, he's a little nervous.

It's him.

Yes, changing careers

was the smartest thing I ever did.

Yes, oh, yeah!

Because I love being the principal.

Because I hate children. I hate them.

Being a principal's great,

'cause I hate children.

I bark, they do what I say.

Anything. Crawl around

on all fours. They do that.

Would you mind jumping out of the window?

OK, sure.

Out they go. Anything.

Principal Peabody,

there's a new student to see you.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Scott Alexander

Scott Alexander was born on June 16, 1963 in Los Angeles, California, USA. He is a writer and producer, known for 1408 (2007), Ed Wood (1994) and Man on the Moon (1999). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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