Postal

Synopsis: The story begins with a regular Joe who tries desperately to seek employment, but embarks on a violent rampage when he teams up with cult leader Uncle Dave. Their first act is to heist an amusement park, only to learn that the Taliban are planning the same heist as well. Chaos ensues, and now the Postal Dude must not only take on terrorists but political figures as well.
Director(s): Uwe Boll
Production: Event Film
  1 win & 3 nominations.
 
IMDB:
4.5
Metacritic:
22
Rotten Tomatoes:
7%
R
Year:
2007
100 min
Website
21 Views

MAN:
Tower two.

Stand by.

[ speaks indistinctly ]

That's affirmative.

Congratulations, Nabi.

We are at the doorstep

of our martyrdom.

Praise Allah.

Praise him!

Soon we will be greeted

by Allah, the one true god,

and by the cheers

of our forefathers

and by 99 perfect virgins

who will worship us

for all eternity!

I thought it was 100.

What's that?

they promised me 100.

what's the difference?

If they're telling you one thing

and they're telling me another,

maybe they don't know

for sure.

Maybe.

Maybe the exact number

of virgins is not precise.

I mean, if it's in the 90s,

I can live with that.

Or 75.

Hey, I'm not greedy,

but what if it's 10?

Well...

What if it's 10, but we have

to split them between us?

Then you'll have

five more virgins

than you have right now,

right?

We're talking

about eternity here!

How long will five virgins

last you -- maybe a month?

They're not going to be virgins

for long, right?

Look, would it make

you feel better

if we called the big guy?

Yes.

Take the stick.

- Okay.

It's ringing.

Osama, yes, it's Asif.

No, we're on it.

It was fine, but security

takes forever, you know?

What are you going to do?

Anyway, look,

Nabi has a question.

Will you talk to him?

No!

[ mutters indistinctly ]

You do it!

Hello!

Yes.

Uh, it's about the virgins.

Really?

It was 100 when I signed up.

[ sighs ]

He said

it's not that many anymore.

Too many martyrs

in the first go-around.

You've got to be kidding me.

Does he know where we are here?

Give me the phone.

Take the stick.

Osama, it's Asif.

Right now, can you tell me

the number, absolutely,

that you can guarantee

Nabi and myself,

as far

as virgins are concerned?

[ pounding on door, indistinct talking ]

No, that's fine.

MAN:
Do it!

Come on, man!

He can't guarantee

more than 20.

MAN #2:
Open the goddamn door,

you bastards!

MAN #3:
We're gonna f*cking

kill you, you motherf*cker!

MAN #4:

Lying pieces of shit!

MAN #5:
Open the door!

MAN #6:
- Open this f*cker!

Screw this, right?

I'm glad you said it first.

Okay, get on the intercom

to the passengers.

We are changing course

for the Bahamas.

Bahamas!

Aah!

[ indistinct shouting ]

We're going to the Bahamas!

[ indistinct shouting ]

Aah!

[ whistling ]

[ gunshots ]

MAN:
...Has again expanded

the definition of marriage,

this time to include any union

between a man and a woman,

a man and a man,

a woman and a woman,

a man and a collie,

or a woman, a polish sausage,

and a long weekend.

The standoff with Mr. Cruise

Has now stretched

into its eighth day.

Cruise continues to insist

that police are violating

his parental

and religious freedoms,

citing human sacrifice

as essential...

Today on

"Good Morning Paradise,"

mayoral candidate Eugene Wells

joins us to talk about

the new political landscape,

and the newest toy craze

of the year --

Krotchy dolls.

Stay tuned. It's gonna be

a super-dupe show.

Turn down that f*cking TV!

I can't hear my show.

[ indistinct shouting on TV ]

Yeah,

nothing's good on anyway.

Just, uh, preparing

for my interview.

Fight!

Aw, you fight like a pussy.

No one's gonna hire

your sorry ass.

Why don't you go suck up

to your Uncle Dave already?

[ gagging ]

God damn it!

What the hell

is going on out there?!

Ugh.

Nothing.

Make sure you pick up

that welfare check!

Kiss, kiss,

sweetie pie...

[ speaks indistinctly ]

[ squishing ]

Come on!

Come on!

No.

Bad boy.

Bad boy.

I told you --

no poopies in our yard.

No poopies in this yard.

You only poop in

the next-door neighbor's yard.

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Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll (German: [ˈuːvə ˈbɔl]; born June 22, 1965) is a German-born Canadian restaurateur and retired filmmaker. He financed his own films through his production companies Boll KG and Event Film Productions. Many of his films were produced on low budgets and Boll himself had backed his projects financially or made use of crowdfunding platforms. Boll's filmmaking career is generally divided into two distinct phases: the first consists of big budget films with a usually renowned cast, most of which gained him a reputation as a "schlock maestro", while receiving highly negative reviews from critics, with Alone in the Dark being considered one of the worst films ever made. However his second phase is marked by films with a smaller budget or were independently made, relatively unknown actors and different approaches to filmmaking; Boll's Rampage film series, Tunnel Rats, Stoic, Amoklauf, Heart of America, Assault on Wall Street and Darfur have been better (or mildly well) received by critics. After losing financing and facing constant criticism, Boll partially retired from filmmaking in 2016 to work in the restaurant industry. He opened his Bauhaus Restaurant in Vancouver, which has earned positive reviews among food critics. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Postal" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 26 Aug. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/postal_16119>.

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