Porridge Page #3

transvestites, homosexuals, addicts.

When someone just sits down and gets on

with it, it's like a breath of fresh air!

Oi!

Most areas of the home

counties are affected by power cuts.

Talks between the government and the union were

broken off after the rejection of a 14% pay increase.

Shoes all right,

Mr Grout?

OK, on your way, Jacko.

THEME TUNE FOR 'THE ARCHERS'

I don't like the look of that

new 'un, what's his name, Beal?

Put me king back, Fletch.

What are you incinerating?

It's there. It was there!

Was it? Maybe I jogged the table.

Maybe the wind blew it.

That's why they're called draughts,

you know.

Go on, put it where you like if winning's that

important to you. I'll have it where it was thanks.

I don't mind losing

so long as it's all fair and square.

Show me a man who laughs at defeat, I'll show

you a black chiropodist with a sense of humour

Almost lock-up, Mr Beal. Then I'll

buy you a jar. I wouldn't say no.

The prison officers have a club known as the

Prison Officers' Club in the old coke store.

It's basic but they've worked wonders with paint,

horse brasses and imagination. Look forward to it.

Oh... sorry, Mr Mackay.

What are you up to?

Listen, Mr Mackay!

You're always up to something.

This is Ives, Mr Beal.

Horrible Ives, aren't you?

Well, if you say so, sir.

Don't be cheeky, Ives!

BELL RINGS LOUDLY

What a shame. Just when you was poised

for victory. We'll continue this tomorrow.

IF I'm free. I shall have

to consult my social diary.

"Well, that's all I have time for.

"There's the ironing to do

before Starsky and Hutch.

"I love you

and miss your loving... "

"Arms", I think it is.

Yeah, it would be.

Then there's lots of hugs

and kisses. Nice letter.

So there's nothin' in here

about a welder or a canary?

No, I would have noticed.

'Ey! What? There weren't

no welder or a canary!

And I never thought there were,

neither!

What's he on about? Search me.

Stir crazy, perhaps.

How did that kid, Rudge,

wangle the farm? Charm

Since chow, he's just sat starin' at the wall.

Well, it's his first experience of your cottage pie!

Best not to move about after that.

He's only a kid. Listen to HER!

I remember how I felt on my first

night when that door banged shut.

Go and have a word with him. Why? Well,

you perked ME up when I first come inside.

Godber, you was forced

upon MY cell.

It was in my interest not to have a

manic depressive in the bottom bunk!

Suit yourself. I will, I will.

Oh, dear. You owe me darning wool. I gave

you some! Yes, in exchange for the orange.

Tangerine. Besides, that was

to pay me for the stamp. What stamp?

For your pools. I paid that with

toothpaste! That was for the darning wool.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes