Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Page #3

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between us, the police...

When he says, "Okay, boys and girls,"

we're all gonna....

...and you, the community.

Stop! Stop right there!

You see, the great thing is, this is a first.

The Police Academy has offered to train

you citizens to better protect yourselves.

-You'll be trendsetters.

-Do we get to pack heat?

Heat--

Stop those little punks! Stop them!

You're under arrest!

Are you all right?

Who's laughing now, you little twits?

And your clothes make me want to puke.

I'll tell you that right now.

-Capt. Harris!

-Well, well, Mahoney.

-It's been a long time, sir.

-So it has.

Well, Motormouth Jones.

Anyone ever tell you

you've got a great tailor, sir?

I mentioned that just last week.

Has anyone told you, Mahoney,

that you're still a little pissant?

-No one whose opinion matters, sir.

-What did Arnie and Kyle do?

You know those clowns?

I should have figured.

Your little pals wrecked a police car,

destroyed a shopping mall...

harassed citizens, resisted arrest.

Go easy, Captain. They're just wacky kids.

We'll see how those wacky kids

like it in jail.

In all my years on the bench,

I have seen all sorts of public disorder.

Young people must learn to conform...

to the standards and laws

of civilized society.

In reviewing the testimony

and taking into account...

your disregard

for public and private property...

I can reach only one decision:

Guilty as hell.

You flushed me down the toilet!

Before you pass sentence--

They're gonna send me to jail,

and some fat, hairy guy is gonna--

-May I approach the bench, Your Honor?

-Yes, Sergeant.

Sir, do we want to expose these boys,

these children to a prison environment?

-Yes.

-May I run my own court, Captain?

-You've got a better idea?

-Yes, I do, sir.

Comdt. Lassard has initiated

a new community relations program.

Why not assign these kids...

to that program

as a form of alternate sentencing?

-That's ridiculous!

-I'll be the judge of that.

I.... Excuse me.

I like the sound of this

community relations gig.

Milt Butterworth,

defender of the common man.

Your Honor, look at this list of complaints.

And I quote you directly, sir, when I say--

Gee, sir, I thought you only got

contempt of court for opening your mouth.

Mahoney, I'm warning you.

You keep Lassard's C.O.Ps

out of my precinct.

You don't understand

what I'm trying to do.

I understand

exactly what you're trying to do.

Just keep them out,

especially these two little buttwads.

Excuse me, sir,

but you're not planning to attack us...

with any more of your bodily functions,

are you?

You just make sure

that we never meet again. Ever.

You know, with those two idiots

in Lassard's program, it'll never work.

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