Pojktanten Page #2

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We're heading for a party.

I haven't seen Eli for years, and

we just made out for the first time.

We pass some guys,

who whistle at us.

We head for the bridge

that leads into town.

We're both happy.

Then we sense

that the guys are following us.

I can see a pink polo shirt

in the corner of my eye.

I start thinking of fancy cakes.

Beautiful, fancy cakes

with cherries and whipped cream.

One of the guys calls out:

"Hey, sweetheart, hold up!"

I feel the energy buzzing,

how angry they are at being ignored.

I grab Eli's arm.

And I wish that everything

would just disappear.

Bam! Down we go.

One of them kicks me,

another hits Eli in the head.

My knee is bleeding.

One of them finds a rock

the size of a heart.

He squeezes it in his hand.

"I'm going to count to three. If you're

not running, I'll bash your heads in."

"One, two, three."

We run.

We emerge at the bridge

that overlooks the city.

We sit down on a bench,

the taste of blood in our mouths.

It is a clear, crisp evening

in December.

Our breath turns to mist.

And there we are,

two lesbian boys. 4 ever.

Eli visits me in Malmo.

I meet him

at the Central Station.

He has cut his long hair.

He's wearing a cap, a black

leather jacket, and a stubbly beard.

At my place,

he shows me something he wrote.

Continuous run-on sentences,

written in Notepad.

He tells me it's going to be a book.

We have our first bath together.

It feels great, the steam dissolving

away my edges. I'm floating.

Eli wants to find a way of being

that will work in real life.

And I think that two Boy Hag-Ladies

are twice as many as one.

It's like in the book

when Sebastian thinks

that the world becomes magical.

That's how I see life.

Especially when I'm alone.

That the boundaries between

the inner and outer world fade.

You're simply blown away by

the incredible beauty of the world.

It's not always pleasant, or cozy.

But real beauty

can give you an experience of...

reality being broken into pieces.

You get a glimpse

of something that's bigger than you.

It's something that...changes

whoever experiences it.

In the book it is described

as meeting another body.

I really hated guys.

I thought it was disgusting.

Sometimes I slept with some guy.

But the only thing

I wanted from them was sex.

They became kind of...faceless.

Out of those encounters...came words.

Words that turned into texts.

It was as if this danger,

this uncertainty...

It was somehow like

a path to the real me.

The violence became a path into me.

I really wanted to die.

But then I decided to write this.

It seemed like a better idea.

So I felt that this book

was going to be

a memorial stone,

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