Please Kill Mr. Know It All

Synopsis: An anonymous advice columnist finds herself caught in an unlikely romance with the man who has been hired to kill her alter ego.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Romance
Production: Monarch Home Entertainment
  1 win & 6 nominations.
87 min

This is the comeback story of all time.

Our guest has the number 1 movie out.

Your album is coming out next week, you've

won an Oscar, a grammy, a Tony, an Emmy...

You're getting Nobel Peace Prize for

the work you've done in Middle East.

Your charity saved the whales and

trees while feeding the children.

It's changing the world as we know it.

I guess life is good.

It hasn't always been that way, has it?

I don't hold it against you to

bring it up, let me start with that.

It's my job.

I was a man that seemed

to have everything.

And yet I had nothing.

What changed?

- You wouldn't believe it.

Try me.

- Alright.

Rockbottom. That's where I was.

I had nowhere to go.

Like naked women be... With

baseball bats just for kicks.

It wasn't until I wrote away to this

little advice column in the newspaper...

I wrote to a man named Mr Know It All.

And his advice guided me and helped me...

To find my way, to find

my way to a better place.

It actually brought

me to where I am now.

Who is Mr Know It All?

He's an enigma.

Maybe we should have him on the show.

There are people that

live fun, exciting lives.

And then there are people like me.

It's not because i'm boring.

Well, I am boring. BUt I don't

need excitement in my life.

I think it's overrated.

I just see life like it is.

People ask me, is the cup

half full or is it half empty.

I just say hey, be happy you got a cup.

Have I always been like this?

I think there's a point

in every kid's life...

Where they hear and see

something and they go, what the...

Things are going great,

life is great, and then...

For my friend Patti, it

was my 9th birthday party.

But that bubble bursting moment

is different for everyone.

Goldie has been sleeping

for a really long time.

For me, it was when I heard

the story of the Monkey Paw.

I mean you guys know that story right?

Guy goes into a pawn shop,

tries to buy an evil Monkey Paw...

Why would anyone want this ugly thing?

It's great to honor three wishes.

I'll take it.

But the owner won't

sell. Says it's too evil.

SO the guy steals it, and

brings it home for his wife.

The wife is thrilled

to get three wishes...

Even though the guy warns her

that the Monkey Paw is evil...

The wife wishes for $100.

Suddenly the telephone rings, and

they're informed that their son is dead.

Mangled to bit in some

construction accident.

But the good news is they

get $100 from the company.

The wife is totally distraught and

wishes that the son was alive again.

Suddenly they hear a tapping

noise coming from the front door...

But the husband realizes that

if the son was alive again...

He would be this mangled tormented mess.

Oh my dear God.

So the husband used the third wish

to wish that his son was dead again.

So in the end, all they

get is $100 and a dead son.

And the moral of the story is...


- Be careful what you wish for.

What the...

What kind of children bedtime

story is that? I freaked out.

I started to remember

stuff I wished for...

I wish I didn't have

to go to piano lesson.

That day there was a fire in

my dad's dry cleaning business...

And since my dad didn't have

insurance it wiped us out financially.

So hey, no more piano lesson.

And the time I wished for a puppy.

That's enough!

Well, my dad left us to

live with his new girlfriend.

But the condo they were living

in wouldn't take her dog.

My dad's girlfriend's used puppy.

That's my girl.


It all made sense now, after

the monkey paw, my bubble bursts.

Careful what you wish for is my mantra.

Make a wish, sweety.

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Sandra Feldman

Sandra Feldman (October 13, 1939 – September 18, 2005) was an American civil rights activist, educator and labor leader who served as president of the American Federation of Teachers (AFT) from 1997 to 2004. more…

All Sandra Feldman scripts | Sandra Feldman Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Please Kill Mr. Know It All" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 6 May 2021. <>.

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