Petunia

Synopsis: An off beat family of New Yorkers must come to terms with their own misgivings about life, relationships and the sheer unpredictability of love itself. Petunia weaves together the lives of brothers Charlie (Tobias Segal), Adrian and Michael (Eddie Kaye Thomas) as they unlearn everything their psychoanalyst parents have taught them. While Michael's cynical wife Vivian (Thora Birch) discovers she is pregnant, the family is also changing. Charlie's would be boyfriend George (Michael Urie) is in a polyamorous relationship with fitness fanatic Robin (Brittany Snow) and Adrian has developed a unrelenting sex addiction. Meddling parents Felicia (Christine Lahti) and Percy (David Rasche) must decide whether to reignite the spark in their relationship or start all over again. Petunia is a film about a dysfunctional family unit on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This is the story of how they pick up the pieces.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Ash Christian
Production: Wolfe Releasing
 
IMDB:
5.1
Metacritic:
40
Year:
2012
112 min
Website
51 Views


Oh, you are so handsome.

Have you met my granddaughter, Bethany?

Hello, Charlie.

It's nice to meet you.

Will you excuse me?

I need a drink.

You two should make me

a million grandbabies.

Give back to this wonderful world.

Charlie, could you come

with me for a minute?

So...

how about a dance

with your new sister-in-law?

I can't dance.

I hate these things.

Charlie...

Have another drink.

Loosen up.

I'm loose enough.

There's no point in being

miserable all the time.

I'm not miserable.

I'm in control.

What?

I can't believe your brother

threw up already.

At his own wedding reception.

He acts as though he's

never had a drink before.

What?

Who's...

George.

You guys haven't met?

He's my cousin.

He's a little shy.

No. I'm terrible at meeting

people in these situations.

Come on. He's sweet.

What is with that?

It helps in controlling my sexual urges.

Oh, God.

Hold on.

Charlie, meet George.

George is my cousin.

He went to Yale.

He's a financial advisor.

But we don't hold that against him.

George, meet Charlie -

as of an hour ago,

my brother-in-law.

- He's a blogger.

- Writer.

Blogger.

It's nice to meet you, George.

The pleasure is all mine.

God, we sound so civilized.

You've got a little, chocolate on...

Really?

Oh, God.

It happens.

I was always worried that

I'd have a conversation

that went something like this.

It's happening.

OK, you guys.

Come on, let's dance.

It's my f***ing wedding night.

Let's go.

Now.

Feel better?

I GET SO, I GET SO

I GET SO:

SO PENT UP...

I GET SO, I GET SO

I GET SO:

SO PENT UP:

Charlie...

Why aren't you dancing?

Because I don't dance, Grace.

Because I have no rhythm.

I look epileptic when I do it.

What's epileptic?

Never mind.

My mom says you're a friend of Dorothy.

Who's Dorothy?

From The Wizard of Oz.

I'm more like the lion.

I like Dorothy.

Hey, have you seen Vivian?

She was on the dance floor when I left her.

That makes sense.

Charlie, you got a condom?

- Me?

- Yeah.

Protection...

Preferably, a hybrid magnum.

I don't have sex, Adrian.

Oh, that is sad.

It's all overrated.

Those STDs were making me anxious.

And being anxious was making me

even more anxious.

It was just easier to call it quits.

Well...

Michael. You?

I'm married now.

I don't use them.

Whatever.

Hey, bro, enjoy your honeymoon.

Happy marriage.

You're married.

Can you believe it?

Yeah...

I, um, puked... Twice.

It's nerves, I'm sure.

I'm just ready for this wedding to be over,

and the marriage to start.

The wedding's supposed to be the easy part.

Hey. Could you do me a favor?

I want you to take down the number

of where I'm staying, just

in case something happens.

Nothing's going to happen.

Just in case, OK?

I don't want to give it to Mom.

She'll just use it to harass me

and I'm not going to pay those

international phone charges.

And Adrian will just use it as a cum rag.

OK, here it is.

Enjoy yourself.

You will never get to relive this day again.

To my brother, Michael,

and his lovely new bride, Vivian.

Michael, I always thought

you would end up alone

eating Lean Cuisines.

And you might be because Vivian cooking

probably won't happen.

But you two were made for each other.

So, here's to you.

Charlie...

Tell your father we either dance, or we go.

I'm not gonna just sit here.

Dad, Mom says either you dance with her

or she's leaving.

Tell her I'd rather stab myself in the eye

with a salad fork.

He says you look really nice.

Tell him his ear wax is making me nauseous.

She says you look good too.

To suffocate me in our

sleep, not to hesitate.

Mom, I think Dad's gonna sit this one out.

OK, Mom, Dad, will you excuse me?

- You OK?

- I'm fine.

I just need a little air.

Sh*t.

- George?

- Oh! Hey, hi.

What are you doing here?

Did you follow me?

Are you that rapist that follows people

into their doorways and rapes them?

I live here.

- Seriously?

- Yes.

In this building?

Petunia in 2A.

Oh, you're right on top of me.

You haven't even bought me a drink yet.

Maybe you're the rapist.

Is it rape if two rapists rape each other?

I think I saw that on The View once.

I love The View.

Do you want me to open the door?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

I don't even think these are my keys.

I love you, so much.

Oh.

Are you still going to love me

if I lose all my hair?

Oh, what?

What if I had a glandular problem

and I gained 60 pounds?

No.

What if I had gigantism?

It depends on where.

The hands.

I just had like a giant hand.

Well, no.

How about if I ate my

twin before I was born...

...and I had like an extra

enzyme in my DNA...

...and you couldn't see it or

feel it or acknowledge it...

...and I just told you

about it right this moment?

Are you trying to make me vomit?

No.

Well, are you saying that I got to remain

exactly as I am for the duration

of this marriage or you'll stop loving me?

Yes.

Stay exactly as you are.

You know that I'm gonna love you

no matter what?

I know...

That's why we're married.

Why don't you grow that giant hand of yours,

and pour me a glass of champagne, huh?

You know, Michael...

You just married a vivacious

20... something.

We're going on our honeymoon.

You're talking about twins, and gigantism.

It's our wedding night!

It's not like we've been

holding out on each other.

Hardly.

Why can't we talk?

We can talk.

Just right now, you're giving me a migraine.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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