Persona Page #3

Thinking of it afterwards,

it's really banal. A real pulp fiction.

In a strange way

it was never really real.

I don't know how to describe it.

At least, I was never quite real to him.

My pain was real, that's for sure.

Somehow it was is if it was part of it

in some nasty way.

As if that's how it was supposed to be.

Even the things we said to each other...

Many people have told me that

I'm a good listener. Funny, huh?

No one's ever bothered to listen to me.

Like you are now. You're listening.

I think you're the first person

who's listened to me.

It can't be interesting at all.

You could read a good book instead.

God, I'm going on.

You're not getting irritated?

It's so nice to talk.

It feels so nice and warm.

I feel like I've never felt

in my whole life.

I always wanted a sister.

I only have a load of brothers. Seven.

Funny, huh? Then I come along. I've

been surrounded by boys all my life.

I like boys. But you would know that

with all your experience as an actress.

I really like Karl-Henrik.

But, you know, you only love once.

I'm faithful to him. In my profession

there are opportunities, I can tell you.

Karl-Henrik and I had hired

a cottage by the sea.

It was June, we were all alone.

One day when Karl-Henrik had gone

into town, I went to the beach alone.

It was really nice and warm.

There was another girl there.

She lived on an island nearby -

- but had come over as our beach lay

to the south and was more relaxed.

So we lay beside one another

completely naked and sunbathed.

We slept a little, woke up,

and put on some oil.

We wore these hats on our heads,

you know, those cheap straw hats.

I had a blue ribbon around my hat.

I lay looking out from under the hat -

- glanced out at the landscape,

the sea and the sun.

It was so curious.

Suddenly I saw two figures jumping

about on the rocks above us.

They hid and peeped out

occasionally.

There are two boys looking at us,

I said to her. Her name was Katarina.

Well, let them look, she said,

and turned on her back.

It was such a strange feeling.

I wanted to run and put on

my costume, but I just lay still...

On my belly with my bum in the air,

totally unembarrassed, totally calm.

All the time I had Katarina beside me

with her breasts and thick thighs.

She just lay there

giggling a little to herself.

Then I saw the boys had come nearer.

They just stood looking at us.

I saw that they were terribly young.

Then one of them, the bravest one -

- he came up to us

and squatted down beside Katarina.

He pretended to be busy with his foot

and sat poking between his toes.

I felt totally strange.

Suddenly I heard Katarina say:

Aren't you going

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