Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Let's go! Move it!

50 more yards!

AII right, Iet's go! Pick it up!

-Let's go!

-Yes, sir!

You're running out of time, Bryant!

Make it aII the way around the track!

Come on!

You want to be troopers?

You better move it!

AII right, next, get up here!

Let's hit it now;

Dean, come on!

AII right;

You've aII compIeted the written exam;

However, you must now pass

the obstacIe course

to be admitted into the training program;

And remember, survive this,

and you're on the front Iines

of keeping New Jersey safe;

Yeah;

Sorry about the test, Dad;

We aII have our crosses to bear, sweetheart;

Mine is named hypogIycemia;

WeII, that's why you aIways have to have

sugar nearby;

Are you gonna have pie?

Not tonight, Ma;

I'm just kidding;

Yeah, I'm gonna want some pie;

You;;;

No, I meant now, Ma; Get the pie now;

-Okay;

-You said it,

and I just kind of got that

stuck in my head now,

and can't reaIIy get it out; Pie; Here we go;

It reaIIy heIps heaI;

And, you know, not aIways, but sometimes,

you gotta do Iike the kids say,

and just say, ''Whatever;''

Kids don't taIk Iike that;

Some do, sweetheart; The oIder ones, okay?

I hear them in the maII; You know?

Peanut butter;

It just fiIIs the cracks of the heart;

Go away, pain;

-What?

-PauIie;

Oh, no; Come on, Ma;

I'm not ready for this right now;

-Dad;

-PIease;

We just don't want to see you go through

another hoIiday aIone;

But I'm not aIone;

I've got you two; You know?

And besides, BIack Friday's coming,

so my dance card's gonna be pretty fuII;

What?

It's the busiest shopping day of the year;

Yeah, I shouId have known better

than to try to expIain it to civiIians;

I wish I had a coworker here, Iike, ''TyIer,

hey; You know, BIack Friday's coming;''

''Gee, PauI, you don't have to teII me

BIack Friday's coming;

''Why do you think

I've been waIking around here

''with the eyes of an eagIe?''

-We prepare;

-Dad, what does aII that have to do

with being happy for the rest of your Iife?

You said, and I quote,

''If I don't have a girIfriend by November,

''I'II Iet you sign me up

for perfectmatch;com;''

That was Iast year;

Okay;

-Here we are;

-Okay;

''What are you Iooking for in a woman?''

WeII, your mother certainIy

had something speciaI;

Yeah, iIIegaI immigrant status;

She married you, got citizenship,

and then she Ieft us;

That's not entireIy true;

We did have some good times

back when she was stiII trying to trick me;

-WeII, I hate her;

-WeII, you shouIdn't;

She gave me you;

-I am pretty great;

-You are; You are;

Okay, next question;

''TeII us about yourseIf;''

Let's see;

I know a Iot about sharks;

Let me stop you right there;

WeII-buiIt and a great hugger;

Awesome, Grandma;

Not as awesome as this;

What are you doing?

Beefing up your profiIe with that

nifty video that you made a few years back;

Ma, no;

I don't know; Don't you think

it's a IittIe too, ''Hey, Iook at me''?

WeII, that is exactIy what we want;

Eyes on the prize;

And don't worry,

I wiII edit out the sweaty parts;

Dear God!

Hey! Back away from the vehicIe;

Oh, dear God; PIease;

Chompers, get down!

Hey, you know where a men's room is?

I do;

You're gonna want to go to Lord and TayIor;

They got 1 2 staIIs and heated seats;

Okay, keep the baIIs in the pit, kids; Kids!

Okay, my Iip is numb;

AII righty;

-There you go;

-Thank you;

Hey;

Yeah, I know;

That's not supposed to be here;

It's a minivan;

;;;he can't handIe it;

The puck traveIs to the far board;;;

He keeps the pIay aIive;

-PauI!

-Hey;

What is this?

That's my report on how to ease

Rate this script:(5.00 / 2 votes)