Parenthood

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Peanuts! Roasted!

Freshly roasted!

Get your peanuts!

Roasted! Red hot!

Hot peanuts!

Red hots! How about

some red hot peanuts?

Peanuts!

Get your peanuts here!

Go, go, go, go!

Safe!

Now batting for the Cardinals,

number 14, Stanley Boyer

Come on!

We missed four innings

Well, like I said, I had

to stop and do some business

Here, sit down

Hey, you, usher, come here

Can I talk to you a second?

Yes, sir

Can you watch him?

Sure, no problem

I'll be back

Gil, this is Stan He's

gonna watch you for a while

I have some friends

I'm meeting

I'll meet you right here, huh?

For the ninth inning Have fun, kid

Programs here!

Get your programs! Programs!

Programs here!

Get your programs! Programs!

So, Gilly,

big baseball fan?

Kind of Yeah? Dad bring you here a lot?

Once a year on my birthday Then

he pays an usher to watch me

Oh, I see

Look, you have

to understand

My father,

in his own childhood,

was without

a positive male influence

Huh?

His own father kicked

him out when he was 15,

so my Dad was taught to see

child-raising as a job, a burden,

a prison,

rather than a playground

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

You don't talk like a kid

Yeah, well, I'm not really

a kid You're not a duck

This is a memory

of when I was a kid

I'm 35 now

I have kids of my own

You don't really

even exist

You're an amalgam

A what?

A combination of several ushers

my dad left me with over the years

I've combined them into one memory Why?

This was a great symbolic

moment of my life,

my father dumping me

with you

It's why I swore things would

be different with my kids

That's my dream

Strong, happy,

confident kids

That's great That's great You

know, you got a lovely family,

and I'm a goddamn amalgam

Gil?

Who's that?

That's my wife

Nice

Gil

Yeah?

The game's over, honey

The St Louis Cardinals wish to

thank you for attending today's game

Please drive home

safely and soberly

Let's go!

Come on, Justin

You want to walk?

Come on, Justin

Come on, let's walk

It's fun

Come on, let's walk

You sure you don't want

to walk? There we go

I'll get it I'll get it

There's your pennant

There you go

I got him

All right?

Yes

Come on, watch it,

watch it, watch it

There you go

Watch the car

Watch it

There's so many cars

Here you go

Here you go Down?

Where is that kid?

Where is she?

Daddy! Oh, there she is There she is

All right, come on, go

inside Grab a seat Buckle up

Honey Taylor!

You're a rat

You're a rat!

When you're sliding into first

And you're feeling

something burst

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

When you're sliding into third

And you lay a juicy turd

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

When you're sliding

into home

And your shorts

are full of foam

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

When you're sitting

in your Chevy

And your shorts

are feeling heavy

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

Kevin, honey,

where'd you learn that song?

Last summer

at camp, Mom

Ah! That was money

well spent

When you're sliding into first

And you're feeling

something burst

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

That's what you're gonna

sleep in? You'll get cold

Perfect

Gil, Taylor isn't

feeling well She wants you

It's those hot dogs I'll

deal with Kevin and Justin

Hey, what do you say later, when the

kids are asleep, I wear this outfit?

She's in our bed

Hi, Daddy

What's the matter, honey?

You don't feel so good?

Mmm-mmm

You feel like you wanna throw up? Okay

Gil

Oh, my God

Oh, Taylor, baby

Oh, sweetie

Gil, why are you

just standing there?

Oh, sweetie! I'm waiting

for her head to spin around

You'll be all right

You'll be okay

Oh, can you

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