Synopsis: Angelo "Snaps" Provolone made his dying father a promise on his deathbed: he would leave the world of crime and become an honest businessman. Despite having no experience in making money in a legal fashion, Snaps sets about to keep his promise. He is faced with numerous problems: henchmen who know nothing but crime, the police who are convinced he is hatching a master plan, and Oscar, who has just got his daughter pregnant.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): John Landis
Production: Touchstone Pictures
  3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
109 min

I knew you would come.

He's been calling for you, Angelo.

I came as soon as I could,

Aunt Rose. How is he?

You came just in time.

It's all in God's hands now.

Eduardo, Angelo is here.

Pop, it's Angelo.

My son.

Pop, is there anything

I can do for you?

Come closer.

Closer. You bum!

- Papa, what have I done?

- Gangster!

You rob, you steal,

you shoot people!

You bring shame in the family.

I'm sorry, Pa, but what can I do

to make peace with you?

Now you want to make peace

with your papa.

- You wanna me die happy.

- Of course I do, Papa.

So now you want me die!

- Papa, no!

- Angelo! Angelo!

Make me one promise.

You name it. Anything. It's done.

Swear in front of your family...

in front of Pablo Clemente,

in front of Gesucristo...

- in front of Madonna-

- What?

Swear you become honest man.

Give up the shameful life.

Well, Papa-

Yes, I-m-I'm-I'm here. What?


All right, Papa.

If that's what you want...

I'll go straight.

I promise.

Now I'm ready.

That's so you won't forget.


Read 'em and weep.

- Full house.

- Jesus! I thought you was bluffiln'.

Lower that!

You'll wake the boss.

All right, youse mugs,

casino's closed.

Ace, get started

on those melon balls.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Shake a leg.

Today's the boss's big day.


Yeah. The day Snaps Provolone

goes straight.

The whole thing ain't kosher.

Whoever heard of a banker named Snaps?

Buyin' into a bank? That's not Snaps.

It's gotta be a dodge.

It's no dodge. Those bankers'll be here

to cinch the deal at noon.

Oh, geez!

I gotta check my muffilns.

You sure this info's the McCoy,

Five Spot?

Oh, it's-it's-it's the McCoy,

Mr Vendetti, and it- and it's big.

And it's gonna happen

t-t-t-t- t- today.

I knew it. He's hookin' up

with O'Banion's mob.

- Hold still, honey!

- O'Banion!

Y-Y-Yeah, that-that-

that's gotta be it.

I'm-I'm-I'm pretty s-s-sure

I heard that name O'Ba-Ba-Ba-

- What does this stoolie know?

- Look, I'm a paid informer!

Th-That's, that's an honourable


Uh, can I have my, uh,

filve spot now, Mr Vendetti?

- Give him a 20.

- Oh, uh-

It's a retainer.

Let me know if you hear anything.

I, uh, truth-

Th-Tha-Thank you, M-M-Mr Vendetti.

Thank you.

I told you things were too quiet.

- Provolone was just layin' low.

- So what are we gonna do about Snaps?

We're gonna observe

the 11 th Commandment.

"Do unto others

before they do unto you."

I finished your nails.

Is there anything else I can do, huh?

We'd have more excitement

stakin' out Grant's tomb.

Thank God this detail ends today.

Toomey's sore as hell. He's been achin'

to get something on Snaps for years.

So he's sore.

What's he want from us?

I mean, the guy hasn't so much

as spit on the sidewalk in three weeks.

- Toomey.

- Toomey.

I got it last time.

- Hiya, Toomey.

- I suppose you're gonna tell me...

that you got nothin' again

on our boy across the street?

- So sue me, Toomey.

- Well, look alive over there!

I hear he may be tyin' up

with the O'Banion mob from Chicago.

Why don't you just give up the ghost,

Toomey? I mean, maybe the egg's gone straight.

Look, I know this guy.

And I'm tellin' ya,

a leopard don't change his stripes.

- You mean spots.

- I mean Snaps!

Now, as soon as somethin'

happens down there-

I don't care what-

you call me.

- Get it?

- Got it.

Say, take a gander.

I'm comin', I'm comin'.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't little Anthony.

And his Imperial.

- I've gotta see Mr Provolone.

- What? Hey!

Shut that thing off!

I said I gotta see

Mr Provolone right away.

I don't remember seein' you

in my appointment book, Anthony.

Nope. Now, I got

the Finucci brothers at 9:30...

Dr Poole at 10:
30, Father Clemente

at 11:
00 and the bankers at noon.

But I don't see no meetin'

with his accountant!

Look, Aldo, don't screw around with me.

This is urgent.

The boss don't get up

before 9:
00 a.m.

- Even the feds know that.

- I'll take the heat.

You'll take the heat?

I'm the one what's gotta wake him.

Tell him it's a matter

of life and death.

Okay, okay.

But he ain't gonna like this.

Wait in the living room.

How do you like the crust on that mug?

Throws off my whole itinerary.

- Where do you think you're goin'?

- I gotta wake him.

He doesn't wanna be disrupted. He needs

his beauty sleep for those bankers.

It's urgent.

Keep me covered.

- This better be good.

- I warned him, boss.

Anthony told me

it was life and death, boss.

You mugs stop callin' me boss.

It ain't respectable!

- Sorry, boss.

- Sorry, boss.

Well, little Anthony. Probation

and Wall Street lay another egg, what?

Can I talk to you alone,

Mr Provolone?

We are alone.

Aldo, breakfast.

- Half a grapefruit?

- Sectioned, nix the cherry in the middle.

- French toast?

- Light brown.

- Bacon?

- Trim the fat.

- Coffee?

- No cream.

- Two lumps?

- Go.

- On its way, Snaps.

- Uh, it's "Mr Provolone" now.

If you call me that in front of the

bankers, you're gonna gum up the works.

- Yes, Mr Provolone.

- And I'll eat in the yard-

- I mean atrium.

- Yes, Mr Provolone.

Whatever you say, Mr Provolone.

- You know what "atrium" means, Anthony?

- No, sir.

It's a courtyard oft-times

surrounded by columns.

Thank you, sir.

I didn't know that, sir.

Park it, Anthony.

I learn a new word every day. You should

expand your vocabulary, Anthony...

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Michael Barrie

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Oscar" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 20 Jun 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/oscar_15375>.

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