Opposite Day Page #3

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And by "up to us,"

that means up to you.

Oh...

Good luck.

OK, if I crank this out

double time,

I still might make it

to the cabin.

Yeah, right.

Good luck, girl.

All right, now, this is

Dimitri's son, Alexei, huh?

Don't worry, let me

put the coat on the doctor.

You're late.

Make a note of that, please.

Yes, sir,

Mr. Montgomery.

My sincerest apologies.

You know, it's no small feat

working 14-hour days

and raising a child on your own.

Spare me the excuses, Godfrey.

As you know, the board

is expecting me to advise

on next fall's product launch

this Thursday.

Either you show us something

we can use in the launch,

or I'm afraid I'm going to

have to let you go.

Now, what have you got for us?

Uh...

Well...

let's start with the birds!

Ah, the bird! Ha-ha! Good.

Come on.

After you.

Now, did you know

that overnight-express

delivery companies' employees

are paid $20 an hour

for their deliveries?

So I started thinking,

what if we started a company

with employees that could be

paid in birdfeed, literally?

Ta-da!

Even as we speak,

we are in production on

a fleet of thousands of birds

that would travel at mach speed,

delivering packages all over

the world, 24 hours a day!

I call it Bird Express!

What does that

have to do with babies?

Oh... Well, I mean...

other than the classic mythology

of birds delivering newborns,

technically, really nothing.

- It's stupid.

- And a waste of money.

What else do you have?

Right. No.

Forget the bird.

Yeah, just a little side project

to sort of whet your appetite.

Ooh, come here!

Feast your eyes on

the future of sports!

Hmm? Bats hit.

Clubs swing.

Ooh, all on their own!

Oh!

You see, the automated motion,

it teaches kids to play sports

with the proper form.

Ooh, look at this!

Oh!

Oh my God, are you OK,

Mr. Montgomery?

- It's all right.

- Be careful!

You call that a punch?

No, I don't think so.

Thank you for

your patience, sir.

Yeah, hey, we're just

getting warmed up!

Right, Dimitri?

OK.

Now, this next one

is for the parents.

And I call it Slow Ray.

Watching a baby

when you have other

household responsibilities,

it's challenging because

they're all over the place.

falling, getting

into everything.

But if you slow them down...

Ahh...

How far can they go?

Hmm? How much can they destroy?

That is fascinating,

but how is the effect reversed?

Thank you, Doctor!

What happens

if you shoot your kid

with the fast mode first?

- Good point.

- Oh, well...

So far I've seen

absolutely nothing

worth mentioning to the board.

If anything,

hearing what you have to say

has mad me stupider.

Are we done yet?

- I think we're done.

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