One Good Cop

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Good morning.

Get out of bed, sleepyhead.

It's 6am in NYC, the place to be.

You're listening to the Big Q,

the place to be

for all the best music in town.

Are you OK?

You're all sweaty.

I just had a hot dream.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Starring me?

- Among others.

- You wiseass, Artie.

This girl knows her pressure points.

Yeah. All of 'em.

Reet.

I can't do this. I have to go to work.

Stevie's waiting for me. OK?

Just wait right here, OK?

And I'll be right back.

- Right back?

- 12 hours.

- Artie.

- I swear I'll be back in 12 hours.

My hero.

Tough day at the office.

What happened to Stevie?

You're a better kisser than Stevie.

- Daddy wins again!

- Daddy wins again! Yeah!

- Don't you ever sleep, Daddy?

- Policemen never sleep.

- Especially when people need breakfast.

- I need waffles, Daddy.

And I need a bagel with raisins on it.

And a flat egg.

Let me ask you something.

Am I a father or am I a short-order man?

A short-order man!

You bunch of wise guys!

You know what we do with wise guys?

- What?

- We take them to the police station

and we give them the huggy torture!

Hey, girls.

I think I pulled a muscle

in my leg this morning.

- You should smoke one of these.

- Why?

Well, I haven't got a pulled muscle.

What did the doc say?

She's still got to have

two insulin shots a day.

- She can still lead a normal life, though?

- Yeah.

- She's just scared of the needles.

- Yeah.

She's a kid. She's a baby.

- I'm scared of the needles.

- Yeah.

- She's such a cute little one.

- She's beautiful.

- Who gives her the shots? You?

- Yeah. She's too young.

Detective Lewis, 27th squad.

How you doing?

How you doing?

He don't know nothing about them dope

dealers. He was home with me all night.

That's all right. No problem.

We're looking for help.

Four guys were shot here last night.

Those boys want to make a quick buck.

Death is the dues and they know it.

Why don't you take care of those people

who are terrorised every day?

We're trying, sir.

You cops are getting rich off that sh*t.

Who are you fooling?

You hear anything, you give us a call.

Yeah. Sure.

- Think we're gonna hear from them?

- No. I don't think so.

Let's get out of here, babe.

You know what you need to do?

You need to start going out more.

Artie, will you stop with that?

- I'm just saying, you know.

- I don't have time to date.

Sh*t, the lights are off.

- Step into my office.

- All right.

Just be cool, all right? Just chill, man.

Get over there!

All right.

Man, get your ass up against the wall.

This ain't no landlord. He's a cop!

So what, man? Cops got money too.

You better cool it before it's too late.

So you promise

you won't bust us if we let you go?

We gonna play this sh*t out.

- Take him to the basement.

- Yeah.

Check it out. I got a stack on my ankle.

Private money. Take it.

I don't know nothing.

Go on, do it, man.

Look at you now, cop.

F***ing cops!

I got their asses right here.

Come here! I got you now!

Get outta here!

Thanks, man.

Are we alive, partner?

We're alive. We're alive.

They're jumping cops down there.

What's this world coming to?

Felix, do we look like landlords to you?

To a dude with lightning in his eyeballs,

you look like money.

These dudes are ice climbers.

It's all about the 12 hours of power.

It's crazy.

- What's happening?

- Fisticuffs at your age?

I know.

Tell me if my back fillings are in there.

Quinn at 11 o'clock, fellas.

You all right?

Well, a little winded, boss.

You want us to write this up

as drug-related?

Why? No drugs found,

no proof of drug involvement.

Come on, man.

You think they'd jump two cops

if they weren't whacked?

Want to put them in jail

or in a treatment programme?

Under a bus. They tried to kill me.

Write it up as attempted murder.

You don't have to testify.

I don't want some legal aid lawyer

saying I'm a liar

for withholding information.

The perps admitted that they were high.

Right.

OK. Include their statements if you want.

And the fact that

no drugs or paraphernalia were recovered.

Are you happy now, Lewis?

Delirious.

- He's cuter with those sores on.

- I think he's cute.

I am very cute. I'm known for my cuteness.

- City-wide.

- City-wide.

- There's Cheryl.

- Speaking of cute, she's cute, right?

Stash your drugs.

The joint is crawling with cops.

Yeah. There's Mr Happy Hour himself.

I'm gonna go on home.

No. Let's go across the street. I'm buying.

That's where the bad guys drink.

We're not welcome there.

You're welcome anywhere if you're with

me. I was raised in this neighbourhood.

What if they never liked you?

- I will never own another one of these.

- You never owned one of these.

- I've had three.

- You never did!

You never believe a thing I say.

Get in there.

Lighten up, everybody. It's that metal plate

I got stuck in my head. Relax.

I kinda like it here.

- Yeah.

- Good call, Felix.

The perfect place to kick back and relax

after a hard day's work.

We're gonna have to

shoot our way out of here.

Please don't say that.

- Give me them sticks.

- What for?

I want a light.

- You smoke too much.

- Leave me alone.

- I can quit when I want.

- Mira, Eddie.

Whatever you got on tap. Three.

What is this?

I need permission

to get a drink round here?

Tranquilo, my friend.

I just don't understand why you are here.

Policemen keep to themselves

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