On the Double Page #4

Yes, I do.

My congratulations,

dear fellow.

Yes, yes.

Quite remarkable.

Blast me

if I don't think he'll do.

( in normal voice ):

You're not going to shoot me

Have you been told about

your assignment?

Assignment?

We'll take care of that later.

He hasn't been told a thing.

Face the general.

Oh, excuse me,

Sir.

Uh, what will you have?

What?

I'm on a salt-free,

fat-free, high-protein,

low-calorie,

low-cholesterol diet, sir.

Blast it, man!

Anyone who wants to step into

my shoes better learn

to drink my brandy.

Yes, sir.

Oh, yes, sir. I think

they let me keep it, sir.

I have it. Oh, uh.

No, that's the Hitler mustache.

I can tell by

the mashed potatoes.

( imitates MacKenzie ):

All leaves casual forthwith

for the fortnight.

That's the wrong eye,

you idiotic nincompoop!

A mistake like that

might be tragic.

Well, you see, sir,

I have one good eye

and one eye

with very poor vision.

When I imitate you, sir,

I always put the patch

on the bad eye

so I can see.

But if you insist on it, sir,

I can put it on the good eye,

Here, man.

Here's your drink. Drink up.

Sir, I have

a liver condition--

There'll be steel

through it if you don't.

Alcohol makes the enzymes

in my blood have their own--

Be quiet, man,

or I'll have you hanged

for insubordination!

( stammers ):

Yes, sir. Very good, sir.

If that's

what you really want.

Sorry, sir.

I, uh, can't see a thing,

so I should always wear it on.

Ooh, uh, say, huh...

For heaven's sake, man,

drink up

and get out

of my sight.

Oh, uh, excuse me, sir.

( Ernest gibbering )

Yes, sir.

Uh, yes.

Take him out and try

to persuade him to desert.

Yes, sir.

Come along.

You've got him, Jeff.

MAN:

The enemy expect

the invasion here.

Now, at all costs,

we must confuse

the German high command as to

where the blow will really fall.

Already we've sent

an actor

who resembles

Field Marshal Montgomery

on a tour of North Africa

to convince the enemy

that the attack will be

launched from there.

Sound thinking.

Thank you,

Private Williams.

Very kind of you.

Now, General MacKenzie-Smith

will shortly take off by air

for Yugoslavia

where the second front

will really begin.

He must travel, of course,

in complete secrecy, disguised.

Disguised perhaps as a private

in the American army.

Private Ernest Williams.

I see.

And you want me

to impersonate the general

for a while so that

the German high command

will believe

he is still in London?

Sound thinking.

Uh, thank you, sir.

Very kind of you.

Uh, I've been doing

some more sound thinking, sir

and, uh, ah, I don't think

I want the job, uh, sir.

ERNIE:

Well, sir, doing it for

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