On ne choisit pas sa famille



Toyota, Audi, Mercedes...

they've been after my dealership

for 10 years.

Then why not sell?

Papa would turn in his grave.

At your age, you should enjoy life.

But I am. See the convertible

blocking the garage?

Your garage is blocked?

I mean the red car parked out front.

The latest Lancia Flavia. V6 engine,

3.6-liters, 283 horsepower.

It's sold. I deliver it Monday.

Want to take a spin

out to the Deauville casino?

Excuse me.

Yes, Irene.

Hurry, I'm with a client.


Mr. Borgnoli!

You can't leave like that!

Quick, the car keys!

Quick, quick. The keys!

Rinse it or it'll come out too red.

- I have no choice.

- Really, really red!

You Can't Choose Your Family

Their fast cars don't even move!

I can't believe it.

You can't do this!

Where is he, Irene?

In your office.

What's that dripping?

Nothing! This is no time!

Mr. Borgnoli?

You can't take my cars away.

Irene, lie down

in front of the truck!

I have a writ.

No payment, no merchandise.

It's normal.

What do I sell now? Oysters?


I'll settle this fast.

Let me call the bank.

Hello, Mrs. Flappy? Cesar Borgnoli.

I'm with... What's your name?

Chaumeil & Berton debt-collectors.

Reassure Mr. Burton

about my bank guarantees.

Here he is.

Mr. Chaumeil speaking.

The debt comes to 234,000 euros.

That's nothing in my business.

10 cars.

Take the cars down,

fella! It's settled!

Fine. Have a nice day, madam.

Papa's bank since '56.

They're terrific. What'd she say?

That they're cutting you off.

I'm sorry, sir.

It's okay! Keep loading.

We take the two Deltas inside, too?

Of course!

- Please, ma'am.

- I won't move!

Oh, my god,

don't stay there, please.

The convertible, too.

I'm going to need help. Go ahead.


You two? You want a child?

Why, yeah.

We've been together 3 years.

Couples have children.

What's wrong? We fought for it.

You look blown away.

No, darlings! That's great!

Can he have one?

The whole bowl, if you like.

Just concentrate.

Are you watching?

- You with us, Jean-Paul?

- I'm with you.

It's here

in this incredible village

on stilts...

- You're a knockout in a tank top!

- Cut!

What? What now?

There's too much noise!

Tell them to be quiet.

They can watch, but quietly.

Why "Cut!" during the show?

It's not the show.

It's the making-of.

So in the heart of

traditional Thailand...

That old guy's all tangled up.

It's Video Gag!

No one gives a damn

that the old man fell in the drink?

Old people falling is always funny.

- Hand me my tobacco, honey.

- It is funny!

Be quiet and watch.

- What's that?

- A shrimp net.

- And where are you?

- In the net.

You jumped in that yucky water?

This is wild.

Hear that, Cocteau?

The old guy's spitting. How gross!

Who's the little girl?

Looks like a sad clay figurine.

That's Maily.

- The old man's granddaughter.

- Cocteau, stay.

What did Daddy say?

Now a longboat

is taking him to the hospital.

They go to the hospital by longboat?

What a weird country!

Where are you?


That b*tch of a host kept on

shooting. Make him stop.

Stay. Behave.

What a hunk!

Who's the big fellow?

He's not Chinese.

He's a French doctor.

Well done, Kim.

You saved a man's life.

Not so fast. The grandfather died.

The only family Maily had.

What a horrible story!

Spit it out, Cocteau!

He ate the foil.

Spit it out! Go on, Cocteau.

There, he spit it out.

That's for sure.

Fizzy water will get it out.

Why show me such a grim movie?

We want to adopt the girl.

I'll be the godfather.

You can be more than that.

What do you mean, "more"?

The Thais just changed

adoption laws.

Singles can't adopt.

And both parents must be present.

They only want married couples.

That's where you come in.

Play my husband

and pick up the child with me.

Who else but you?

I'd have loved to, darlings.

But I get tinnitus when I fly,

and Cocteau can't handle 10 hours

in the hold.

The pig still isn't potty-trained.

What if he...

"went" in the cabin?

Of course.

Had we known

Cocteau wasn't potty-trained,

we'd never have asked. Never.

It's all sewed up, Herv!

A friend at City Hall

will do us a marriage certificate.

- A fake one.

- No, a real one.

A real fake.

I tell you, there's no risk

with these papers.

I'd have loved to,

but I don't have vacation time.

What'd I do with my cuffs?

Must have left them

at Brice's last night.

You're doing wonders

for the community.

I'm with you all the way.

Maybe we should try a hetero.

There are more of them.

That's for sure.

- Say...

- What?

Weren't you married in a past life?

Trouble is,

Nadine's expecting twins.

- Congratulations.

- Two? That's wonderful.


She's confined to bed, feet up.

I can't say I have to go to Thailand

with my ex-wife

as her fake husband

when I was her real one before.


I just can't see it.

No problem.

Not finished?

Anyway, she's awfully cute.

She's got something.

Turn off the TV.

- We'll never find anyone.

- That's for sure.

That's for sure.

Unless it's someone in the family.


I only have sisters.

But don't you have a brother?

Yes. But we fell out

three years ago.

I wouldn't bail him out

on Papa's misrun garage.

Anyway, you two'd never get along.

- Why not?

- He's everything you detest.

His ideal women:

Mama and bimbo hairdressers.

I can handle his kind.

Anyway, it's only for 48 hours.

Leave that bunny alone.

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Jenny Arasse

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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