Old School

Synopsis: Mitch, Frank and Beanie are disillusioned with their personal lives begining when Mitch's nymphomanic girlfriend, Heidi, cheats on him, then former party animal Frank gets married, but unwilling to let go of his wild life, and Beanie is a family man seeking to reclaim his wild and crazy youth. Beanie suggests that they form their own fraternity in Mitch's new house on a college campus to re-live their glory days by bringing together a variety of misfit college students, losers, middle-aged and elderly retirees as their new friends and later try to avoid being evicted by the new Dean of Students, Pritchard, whom still holds a personal grudge against all three of them.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Todd Phillips
Production: DreamWorks SKG
  5 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
88 min

[speaker drones, indistinct]

Real Estate Query Engine

is a virtual rubicon of information,

putting the lawyer himself

at the controls.

Listen, I'm going to take off, okay?

I'm gonna try and catch the 2:00 back.

You're leaving the seminar now?

It's not even intermission.

- I don't think you can do that.

- No, it's fine. Just cover for me, okay?

- Get it all.

- I guess.

- Listen, could we have your badge?

- Yeah.

It's worth two free drinks

at the Meet and Greet.


I'm going to the airport.

I'm kind of in a hurry, too.

Sir, your seat belt

seems to be broken.

What do you recommend I do?

I recommend you stop being such a f*ggot.

You're in the back seat.



[metal detector beeps]

[electronic beeping]

[detector beeps]


Hey, boy.

Good boy, Orson.

Where's Mommy?



[woman moaning]



[moaning continues]


What are you doing home?

You totally scared me!

I scared you?

Because for a second, I thought...

I don't even want to say it.



That's, like, pretty hard-core.

Yeah, I know.

No, I'm not judging.

Don't be embarrassed.

This is a major turn-on.

Let's go with this.

- Is this what you do when I'm gone?

- Mitch, wait.

No, I mean, I do it myself every once

in a while, but to magazines.

Okay, Mitch, we need to talk.

- Hello!

- Aah!

[couple screaming]


Be honest.

Please tell me this is the first time

this has happened.

Well, do you want me to be honest, or you

want me to tell you this is the first time?

- Jesus, what is wrong with you?

- Nothing is wrong with me!

I've tried to tell you about this.

What? When?

- All the time!

- Like when?

- Like, when we're in bed and stuff.

- In bed?

I thought you were just talking dirty.

I was, but I was being serious.

You've said some really sick stuff.

You have to admit it,

we haven't exactly been living the most

exciting lives in the world.

This is a totally different kind

of satisfaction for me.

It's purely sexual.



I'm really sorry.

[doorbell rings]



I'm here for the gang bang.


[church bell rings]

[pipe organ playing]

You look a little pale, Mitch.

You need to breathe.

Let a little blood up in your face there,

will ya?

- I don't want to breathe.

- You should be proud of yourself.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to land

a girl as sexually enlightened as Heidi is?

A girl like that comes around, what,

once every hundred years?

I wasn't looking for a girl like that.

Columbus wasn't looking for America,

but that seemed to work out for everybody.

You're here.

You know what I mean?

Hey, I just want to thank you

one last time for being here.

It's the best day ever.

Don't even start with me, Franklin, okay?

You need to walk away from this ASAP.

- What?

- You need to get out, Frankie.

[wedding march plays]

This is it. It's now or never. You need

to get out of here while you're still single.

- I'm not single.

- She's 30 yards away, you're single now.

Come on, Marissa's the best thing

that's ever happened to me.

Why don't you give that six months.

You don't think that'll change?

I got a wife, kids.

Do I seem like a happy guy to you,


There's my wife. See that?

Always smiling? Hi, honey.

Judging, watching, "Look at the baby."

She's coming down the aisle, Beanie.

Let it go.

Let me be the first to say

congratulations to you then.

You get one vagina for the rest of your life.

Real smart. Way to work it through.

- [Mitch:
] Don't listen to him.

- [Frank:
] I need my inhaler.

It takes a man to give away an angel.

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Todd Phillips

Todd Phillips is an American film director, producer, screenwriter, and actor. Phillips began his career in 1993 and directed films in the 2000s such as Road Trip, Old School, Starsky & Hutch, and School for Scoundrels. He came to prominence in the early 2010s for directing The Hangover film series. more…

All Todd Phillips scripts | Todd Phillips Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Old School" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 8 Dec. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/old_school_15155>.

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