Oh! Oh! Cleopatra

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The Masquers Club expresses its

appreciation to all these members

for contributing their time and talent.

And now we greet you,

as our heroes do,

with laughter or a smile,

hail, friends, let's laugh a while.

Professor Sweinstein claims that any

person swallowing one of these pills

will be immediately transported

back in retrospective life,

to become whatever character

in world's history he chooses.

But who can explain this phenomenal

scientific theory more clearly

than its sponsor, our honoured guest

Professor Waldo J. Sweinstein.

Thank you gentlemen. Rather than repeat

any more claims for my theory,

I would much prefer to demonstrate.

To do this, I must have a subject.

And I will be very grateful,

if one of you gentlemen would mentally

select a character in history, and,

by swallowing one of these pills

be whisked back into the bygone ages.

Won't you submit to

the experiment, Mr. Hiers?

I'm sorry professor, but...

I'm too forward to go backward.

Perhaps Bill will try it.

No. I've played all those follows.

I know their secrets.

How about you, Jimmy?

Mhm, not for me, Bill.

I might land back in Scotland.

How about you, Hale?

Back through the ages?

No, my wife won't even

let me away for a week-end.

What do you say, Alec?

I'm sorry but I must decline.

They usually fall off my knife.

But, gentlemen, think.

Unless I have a subject,

I cannot complete my demonstration.

You know, Bob, I think

I'll go for one of those pills.

Pills, nothing. What you need

is a good bromo-seltzer.

No kidding.

I've always wanted to

go back into the past.

You know, I've always had a yen to play

Shakespeare's Antony opposite Cleopatra.

Yeah, well if you think I'm going

to Cleopatra, you're crazy.

No, I'm serious.

I can see myself now as Antony.

Friends, Romans, countrymen.

Cannons to the left of me,

cannons to the right of me.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You're

all mixed up. That's Huckleberry Finn.

Boy, you better stick to being a

comedian, that's what you better do,

because you'll never make a Shakespearian

actor. Now with me, it's different.

You know, I got the makings

of a great tragedian in me.

Say, It'll take more than a box of pills

to make a Shakespearian actor out of you.

Yeah? Well, let me tell you something,

if we weren't busy on a picture,

and had to rush right

back to that studio,

I'd swallow a hunk of those pills

and I'd show you a Julius Caesar

that was a Julius Caesar.

- Aw, no you wouldn't.

Oh, yes I would.

- Oh, no you wouldn't.

Oh yes, I would.

- Oh, no you wouldn't.

Oh yes, I would.

Oh, no you couldn't play Mark Antony.

- Oh, yes I could.

Oh no you couldn't.

- Oh, yes I could.

No you couldn't!

- Yes I could. - No you couldn't!

You know, this thing

could go on all night.

Give me one of those pills.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Ah, Cleopatra, I see thee again.

Cleopatra, thou art beautiful.

Ah, your hair, your eyes,

your nose, your lips, your...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait for me, Cleo, wait for me.

Gallia est omnius divisa in partes tres.

To say nothing of e pluribus unum.

Oh night, wondrous night.

Ah, great Caesar, were not

nights like this made for love?

Yeah, sure, it we could get rid

of Amos and Andy back there.

Away, slaves.

- Yeah, scram, boys, scram.

Can't kid me, Cleo,

that stuff's been cut.

Oh, great Caesar, thou art

the fairest lover I've ever had.

Let's have that again.

Thou art the fairest

lover I've ever had.

Just a gigolo,

everywhere I go.

Oh, wouldst thou couldst

stay here for always.

Yeah, great idea, Cleo. Great idea.

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