Not the Three Stooges XXX


Everybody inside!

Come on. Time for your chores.

But, Sister Mary-Mengele, the game's tied.

Can't we just play another

couple minutes? Please!

No, you can't. Now get inside.

And pick up that soccer can and put it back

in the equipment shed where it belongs.

Wait a second, Sis, you got to hear us out.

We didn't ask for this

We didn't pray for this

I may not have a sis

Or know my mother's kiss

But that doesn't matter because

Everybody is special

We're not inconsequential

Shut up!

What do you think this is,

The Sound of Music?

Get in there. Come on.

Enough with the singing.

One, two, three, four, five, six

Roadrunner, roadrunner

Come on, come on, move it.

No wonder your parents didn't want yous.

Gonna drive past the Stop & Shop

With the radio on

I'm in love with Massachusetts

And the neon when it's cold outside

And the highway when it's late at night

With the radio on

Good Lord!

Mother Superior, come quickly!

Oh, my! Angels from heaven!

They're like the Holy Trinity.

I get to give them the first bottle.

Let me give them a bath.

Can they sleep in my room tonight?

Now hold on, ladies.

Everyone's going to get their turn.

It's not my turn, get somebody else.

Sister Ricarda, how about you?

Will you please go tell the boys to

come down for lunch?

I would, Mother Superior, I swear I would,

but the doctor told me to

steer clear of them for a couple of weeks,

on account of my nerves.

How about you, Sister Rosemary?

Oh, yeah! Just like the Army?

Put the black folks on the front line.


What about Sister Mary-Mengele?

She knows how to handle them.

Oh, poor thing. She has a toothache,

so she went to lie down.

You mean she's asleep?

Where are the boys?


I haven't seen a case like this in years.

And would you look

at all that metal in her mouth.

Must be too much iron in the water.

Don't you worry, Sis. You're in good hands.

We'll have that bum tooth out in no time.

- Anesthetic.

- Anesthetic.


Fifteen milligrams. Give.

Five, ten, fifteen.


Open up, please.

It's the head penguin.

Boxcar seven on three. Break.

One, two, three.

I said open this door.

What are you three up to?

Just dabbling in the arts.


Oh! Well, lunch is ready.

Oh, boy. Eats.

You're not going to believe this.

That rich couple just called.

They're going to be here in five minutes.

Oh, goodness! But we're not prepared.

All right, well,

you'd better inform all the children

and tell them to

make themselves presentable.

- What about Moe, Larry and Curly?

- Well, you know what to do,

just throw them some chew toys

and keep them out of sight.

We were thinking that

maybe this time

we could hide the other kids

and then with a little help from the Lord

we could...

It's called the bait and switch.

Absolutely not!

Look, as much as I would love

to see those boys get adopted,

I'm afraid they're not ready yet.

And I can't chance

scaring off another couple.

That's it! I quit.

- What?

- It's too dangerous

living around here with those three boys.

I need a safer working environment.

But where would you go?

Don't worry about me.

I got a cousin who hauls traps

on one of those Alaskan crab boats.

One of the crew fell off

and got eaten by sharks.

He's going to slide me right into that slot.

You think they got room for one more?

Okay, hold on, everybody.

Just wait a minute.

Have the boys meet me in my office.

I hope

you'll forgive us for coming early.

We just couldn't stand to wait another day.

Oh, we understand, Mrs. Harter.

This is a great surprise.

We have three delightful youngsters

for you to meet.

Three? We were under the impression

there were more than that.

Nope, that's it. Just the three.

Children, get on in here.

Mr. And Mrs. Harter don't have all day.



How precious.

Yes, I certainly don't envy you

having to choose between

such amazing children.

The choice is easy. I'm your guy.

That is so cute.

- Absolutely adorable. How long's he got?

- Hmm?

He's taking chemo, right?

No, no, no, he's healthy as a mule.

And almost as smart.

Recede, Bojangles.

Pick me. I make the best potato peel

and eggshell smoothies in town.

If you choose me,

I'll let you play with my pet rat, Nippy.

I even taught him a few tricks.

Oh, boys and their rodents.

Mother Superior,

may I have a glass of milk, please?

Oh, who is this?

Hi, my name is Teddy,

and someday I'm going to have a puppy.

Oh, my God! He's wonderful.

I thought you said

there were only the three.

I never said that. I said about three.

All right, Teddy, get in

line with the others.

Go ahead.

Down, boy.

Straighten up, boys.

Mr. And Mrs. Harter

have a big decision to make.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Teddy, this is going to be a day

you'll never forget.

My wife and I have decided

that our family won't be complete

until you tell Moe

that he's coming home with us.

What do you say, sport?

You want to be part of a real family?

Boy, would I ever!

Thank you. We're so excited.

If you fellas are ever out in horse country... for a polo pony,

you'll look me up, right?

Sure, Moe.

We'II, you know, keep in touch.

Ah! Quit your blubbering.

What are you trying to do?

Rain on my parade?

No, Moe. These are tears of joy. Honest.


You fellas mind if I have something

to remember you by?

You name it, Moe.

Come here, groundhog.

Thanks, fellas.

Hey, Moe, do you know what day today is?

No clue.

It's your birthday.


To us it is,

because today

is the day that you came into our lives.

So, what would you

like as a birthday present?

Uh... I'm good.

This lollypop's really hitting the spot.

Now, come on.

Come on, there's got to be something

that would make your birthday complete.

Just go crazy, champ.

Anything your heart desires.

Well, when you put it that way.

Well? What is it?

He, uh...

He wants us to go back

and get his two friends.


Three youngsters are

an awful lot to take on all at once.

Don't you see, Pop, that's the beauty of it.

It's not going to cost you a dime extra.

Them two termites can bunk with me.

I'll even split my meals with them.

Yeah, I don't know, Moe...

And you don't have to worry about

sending them to fancy schools

because they're not interested

in reading or numbers.

Heavy lifting and ditch digging,

that's their dream.


Those guys really mean a lot to you,

don't they?

They're all I've ever had.

Moe's right, honey.

We can't possibly

separate these three boys.

There we go. That's my mom talking.

Forget it! It was a bad idea.

I don't want nothing.

Mommy, Daddy.


Don't go.


Moe, what are you doing back?



Come on, spill it. What happened?

They were full of baloney.

As soon as we got on the road,

they start spouting off

about me eating my veggies

and washing behind my ears and chores!

Get this, they wanted me to clean the pool

and squeegee the tennis courts.

Every week! Oh, and by the way...

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Will Ryder

Will Ryder (born Jeff Mullen; July 31) is an American pornographic film director, producer, screenwriter, publicist, camera operator, and composer. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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