
Not for Human Consumption
JAY:
No, don't point at me.
UNKNOWN:
Look at this guy
Jay Trotta, ladies and
gentlemen
Yeah!
Hey, you got a chaser?
(coughing)
JAY:
Hey dude, does that smell
familiar to you by any chance?
JAY:
Doesn't that smell a little
bit like your mom?
laughing
MARTY:
Hey, Scooter's got those
purple gel tabs.
JAY:
Yeah?
UNKNOWN:
Purple nurple!
JAY:
Yo man, give us some
Scarface.
JAY:
Gimme a Scarface Cuban
JAY:
Yeah, right there.
coughing
JAY:
Those cock-a-roaches!
MARTY:
You gotta do something
with your time Jimmy!
MARTY:
Work with blind kids,
lepurs
JAY:
Hey man, take that shit.
UNKNOWN:
Y'all right with this shit?
JAY:
Yo give me the blunt. (coughing)
MARTY:
Here take this.
Ohhh it hurts so good!
UNKOWN:
That's what your mom said.
MARTY:
That is what my mom said.
My mom's got all day to answer
your questions
MARTY:
gentlemen...
rooftop status!
JAY:
Rooftop status.
MARTY:
Yeeaah! And the Jim-inator!
JAY:
You gonna do it Marty?
You gonna do it or be a bitch?
I'm getting you in that pool man
MARTY:
I ain't getting in that fucking
thing! Get away from me!
Why you always trying to touch
me?
JAY:
Who's going first? It's fucking
five feet!
MARTY:
Touch Jimmy!
JIMMY:
I'm not going first!
I'm not going!
Marty:
Come on, you do that shit
to me all the time!
JAY:
Yo hold up, let me just put this
down real quick.
laughing
MARTY:
Dude, you're such a dick!
JAY:
Dude, I'll fucking do it. I
don't give a shit! Move!
shouting
UNKNOWN:
Oh my God!
MARTY:
Oh my God!
MARTY:
Oh shit yea!
laughing
JAY:
Jump motherfucker, jump!
MARTY:
Do it again!
JAY:
You fucking do it, go!
MARTY:
No!
JAY:
Come on bro, jump. Do it!
MARTY:
There's no fucking way man.
MARTY:
Spark the Rastafari!
JAY:
It's not even lit.
MARTY:
You can do it!
MARTY:
Yo, so when we get back to the
house everybody get naked.
GIRL IN BACKSEAT:
Dude, you think you can handle
it?
MARTY:
There's not anything we can't
handle.
JAY:
...except for more of that
shitty-ass weed!
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
POLITICIAN (ON TV):
I've been privileged to serve
people of this great state
we call Florida. She is the
state with the prettiest name
and I love her.
And it is with a servant's heart
that I take this oath today
and help her people achieve
their great potential
President Ronald Reagan
described America
as a shining city on a hill. If
that is true...
JAY:
From one bullshit
politician to the next,
man you're all the fucking same
MARTY:
I can't believe you
woke me up to buy weed.
JAY:
If I had gone out on my
own and had this crazy adventure
all by myself, you'd be pissed!
You hate missing
out on shit, you know you do.
MARTY:
Oh yeah, I wouldn't
miss this for the world.
JAY:
You know that fake hundo
you got in your dresser?
MARTY:
Yeah, it's my
fake hundo in my dresser.
Oh shit.
No...
JAY:
Oh shit, yes.
MARTY:
Dude, this so not right.
JAY:
No, what's not right is that
dirt weed that motherfucker
sold us last time. This is just
karma man.
MARTY:
I don't think that's
the definition of karma.
JAY:
All right, slow down
here for a second.
MARTY:
Dude what the f*ck?
You brought my gun?
JAY:
Just in case. You never know.
All right, that's it. That's it
right there. Pull over.
That's him.
DRUG DEALER:
How much you need white boy?
JAY:
None of that dirt weed. I want
the good green.
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Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Not for Human Consumption" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 27 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/not_for_human_consumption_14968>.