Night of Something Strange Page #3

Willy Wonka and

formed a blood factory

and slaughtered all

those Oompa Loompas

and made a buncha bloody Marys.

Vagina Coyote Uglies.

A lot of Draculas' wives went

out on a night on the town

and went to a bachelor party

and all had their periods

at the same time.

- Yes, ma'am.

Oh my God.

What the f***?

- [Freddy] Alright,

you guys ready?

- [Jason] Just zoomin' out.

- This is so f***ed up Freddy.

- Shut up or I'm

gonna get you next.

- [Jason] Ready.

(Freddy grunts)

(flatulence)

- [Freddy] (chuckles)

There it is.

- [Christine] You better

not get me this time.

- You're safe, for now.

(slaps)

(low percussive music)

- [{Carrie] F***.

(sighs)

(music swells)

- What the f*** is she doing?

Dropping the kids

off at the pool

and giving them

swimming lessons?

- You're so gross.

(gasps)

(crickets chirping)

(door slams)

(urine tinkling)

(phone vibrating)

- That f***ing b*tch!

I knew I couldn't

f***ing trust her.

Goddammit, I knew it!

(frustrated growl)

Just relax, Dirk, you

don't wanna Hulk out.

It's been six weeks

since you've been laid,

just, just be cool.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What's wrong, you look like

somebody killed your cat.

- Cat?

I don't have a f***ing cat.

Are you mistaking

me for someone else?

- It's an expression,

what's your problem?

(tense violin ensemble)

- Express this, b*tch.

(weapon fires)

- Hello, Dirk?

- Cat?

I'm a f***ing dog person,

don't you know me at all?

(low suspenseful

orchestral music)

(sniffing)

(snuffling growls)

(retching)

- Whoa, whoa, what the f***?

- Pull over!

- Oh, my God, Carrie!

Freddy, pull over.

(gravel crunching)

(strident orchestral melody)

- [{Carrie] Oh, f***!

(retching)

- [Freddy] Oh, what did you eat?

- [Christine] Shut up, Freddy.

- [Brooklyn] Oh, Sh*t!

(retching)

- Maybe she just needs to

eat some grass or something.

- Really, Freddy?

- Well, that's what my dog does

when his stomach gets upset.

(tense orchestral melody)

(measured growls)

- [Christine] You

don't look bad.

- [{Carrie] I feel better.

- [Christine] Are you sure?

- Yeah, I think it was

just something I ate.

School cafeteria, I don't know.

- Yeah, looks like

Friday's corn dogs.

- [Christine] Let's

get out of here.

- [Freddy] Why don't

you shut up, Jason?

(music swelling)

(growling)

(engine roars)

(quiet thrumming melody)

(soft string melody)

(low indistinct growl)

(metal can scraping)

(screeching suspenseful melody)

(heavy thumping rock music)

(demonic vocalization)

(slapping thud)

(aggressive growl)

(bone cracking)

(aggressive growls)

(gentle rain)

(low orchestral score)

- Holy sh*t-hole.

Alright, Jason, let's go.

- For what?

- Because I said.

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