Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Page #4

and put her precious nail-polished nails

all over the exhibits.

Sorry. Last time I checked, I thought

we lived in a free country, so...

- No, we don't.

- No?

It's the United States of Don't Touch

That Thing Right in Front of You.

I just want to...

I'm allowed to look at it here, okay?

See what happens when you touch it!

So you're threatening me?

You're threatening me, Brandon?

- It's "Brundon."

- Excuse me?

- "Brundon"!

- "Brundon"?

- "Brundon."

- "Brundon."

What, did they run out of U's

on your nameplate maker?

I don't know, did they run out of jokes

at the interesting-joke store

that you shop at?

Sorry, it looks like "Brandon", but...

I'm not here to be your

speech therapist. It's "Brundon"!

- "Brundon." Okay...

- You never heard of the name before?

"Brundon"? No.

Look up most popular baby names

in 1984. "Brundon."

Okay. Are you threatening me, Brundon?

I don't know, Princess Jasmine. Am I?

- Oh, wow. Lunabeam nine-volt.

- Yeah.

Wonderful piece of hardware, huh?

- That's their title, Lunabeam Nine.

- Great.

I prefer the Maglite LED myself,

but that's just me.

- Do me a huge favor.

- What?

Shove your hands into your pockets,

put your attitude way down,

and, also, be nice to people.

Great. But could I just ask you

one thing?

- Yeah.

- Okay, so just to be clear,

- so, I can't do this, right?

- Okay, that's actually crazy.

Did you just make a decision

to possibly end your life

earlier than you were expecting?

I'm gonna hit you with the flashlight.

- Now you are threatening me. Okay.

- Do not touch it!

- Don't touch me.

- Do not touch it!

- Do not touch it!

- Don't touch me!

I'll touch you with my flashlight

all day.

No, your flashlight

is meant to illuminate.

I will literally rent a camper,

and we will drive across America

with my flashlight on your chest.

- Don't do that.

- Don't do what?

Want to see what happens

when I do it one more time?

- Let's see what happens.

- Watch you do nothing.

Let's watch you do nothing

when I do this.

Seriously, Brandon...

- Brundon.

- Brundon,

you do not know who you're dealing with.

You think you know what it means

to be a guard, huh?

Trust me, you don't know

the meaning of the word.

I have seen things

that you could not imagine.

- Like what kind of stuff?

- I'm not gonna tell you.

- But you're gonna drop the flashlight...

- The way you said it,

it sounded like you were gonna say

something cool.

Yeah, well, you don't get to hear it.

Drop the flashlight.

We cool?

That's actually pretty cool,

what you just did.

Thank you.

No hard feelings?

- All right? Sorry.

- Okay.

- I'm sorry.

- No, It's my fault. I shouldn't have...

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