Next Stop, Greenwich Village

---

####[Woman Singing

In Foreign Language]

- Put a rope around the big suitcase.

- It's okay, Mom.

Ben, get a rope,

put it around the suitcase.

"It's okay, Mom."

[Chuckles]

It'll break open

in the middle of the street.

"It's okay, Mom."

You packed everything?

- Just about.

- What'd you leave?

I left some pictures and some books,

and I'll pick them up when I come back.

You're coming back?

I thought this was, uh, for good, huh?

I don't wanna argue, Mom.

Let me help you, Pop.

- Did you hear...

- I can do it. I can do it.

Do you hear?

Mr. Greenwich Village...

is gonna honor us

with his, uh, presence.

He... He's gonna come back.

[Chuckles]

When? When are you

gonna come back?

- When? When?

- I'm not arguing with you, Mom.

All right.

Okay.

[Sighs]

Don't argue.

[Sobbing]

- Thanks. I'm gonna be going now.

- Wait.

Thanks, Pop.

See you later.

- Good-bye.

- So long, Ma.

[Wails]

Mom, you said

you wouldn't do it.

- [Sobbing Continues]

- Mom, what you are doing is called hysteria.

You're trying to make me

feel guilty about going.

Mom, I am going.

I have to go.

I have to live my own life.

I am 22 years old!

- Mom, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack!

- [Pounding Table]

Jesus Christ,

will you stop it?

Nothing you do

is gonna stop me from going.

You are not going

to make me feel guilty!

[Muttering]

[Boy] Come on. Let's go. Come on.

Let's go. Come on. Let's go.

Come on.!

Give me the ball.!

- Larry! Larry!

- Hi, Mrs. Tupperman.

- Where are you going with all that luggage?

- Greenwich Village.

- You're moving?

- Yeah.

- What's in Greenwich Village?

- Fame and fortune.

I'll see you later,

Mrs. Tupperman.

Be careful, Larry.

[People Chattering]

I got it!

Come on!

- [Bell Ringing]

- [Man Shouting]

Kaiser rolls!

Kaiser rolls!

Oh, boy, am I guilty.

- Maybe I should get a diaphragm.

- That would be nice.

- For you.

- Maybe I should get a diaphragm.

I wonder if my mother's

fits me.

You've talked to your mother

about things like that?

No. She doesn't even know

I know she has a diaphragm.

- How do you know?

- I looked in her drawer one night.

- You love me?

- I told you I might get a diaphragm.

- Where will you get it?

- I'll go to a doctor.

- What doctor?

- I'll find a doctor. It's easy.

- Where will you keep it?

- In a drawer.

Doesn't your mother

go through your stuff?

I'll bury it in the backyard.

What is this?

You're a very funny lady.

We should do a comedy act together.

We just did

a comedy act together.

Oh. I was just funny, huh?

I wasn't good?

I wasn't great?

- Was I funny, or was I great?

- Stop it, Larry.

Was I funny,

or was I great?

You were fine.

I love that.

"You were fine."

Larry Lapinsky,

my dear, is not fine.

Larry Lapinsky

is King Kong.

- [Grunting]

- [Laughs]

Larry Lapinsky is either

a sexual brute or a tender poet.

Fine he is not.

You were fine.

Call your mother and tell her you're

staying overnight with a girlfriend.

I don't have a girlfriend.

What are we gonna do?

- When? What do you mean?

- With our lives.

Well, I don't know about you,

but I'm gonna get a diaphragm.

I think about suicide

once or twice a day.

- That's normal.

- I really do.

- So.

- Do you?

- Not lately.

- Why do I do it?

Suicide makes you feel talented.

You feel like

a Dostoyevskian hero.

Did you hear the one

about Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy?

[Russian Accent] Dostoyevsky meets Tolstoy

in the streets of Moscow.

They both have to take a pee,

so they take a pee right in the street.

So Dostoyevsky

says to Tolstoy, "Why"...

"Why are you peeing

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