New York, I Love You Page #5

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in the dark, without a light.

- I'm not feeling that.

- Well, he doesn't smoke, so...

- But you love him anyway.

- Yeah. Why not?

Sure. Sure.

He just abandons you, huh,

to your mortal disease,

and leaves you alone to suffer

and die, when he's in there

pretending to love you?

I don't respect this guy.

I think he's a coward.

I think he's selfish.

And forgive me for saying this,

but I think any moment now, this guy's

gonna open up his real self to you,

and it's gonna be all...

[roars]

Like, scary stuff's gonna come out.

You know, I felt it right away.

I felt it right away... that I think...

I'm gonna say something a little bold here.

But I think you might

be married to the wrong person.

I don't know that even if that were true

- that I'd tell you.

- Right.

- We're not exactly friends.

- No, we're not.

- No.

- That's true.

But we did share a flame. Right?

- Speaking of.

- Oh.

See? Look at that.

See? You need me.

You're walking away,

and you need me.

We share a flame. Thousands of tiny

molecules are heating up right now.

They're penetrating our brain.

They're stimulating our sexual desire.

I don't know about you,

but I find that sh*t very romantic.

And I'm so glad

you walked over here

because now I can feel

a little bit more comfortable

to tell you that I happen to be,

uh, on the forefront of men

able to find and locate

a woman's G-spot.

And I could do that for you.

That's really generous

of you. Thank you.

It's my pleasure.

Well, it's your pleasure.

And what makes you think

I haven't located it yet?

Um, the way you hold the cigarette.

It's a little high and tight, you know?

What you have to do

is you have to lower it.

You have to bring it all the way

down in there so it just sits comfortably.

It rests there.

If it's high and tight like that,

the whole body gets restricted,

and the plexus gets closed off,

you know, and the vagina gets locked.

Look, I just happen to know this crazy,

weird technique with the vagina.

It's kind of cool,

and I thought you'd be interested.

But you have to be prepared.

You know what I mean?

Preparation is the key.

I mean, it starts with a little walk.

Just a short walk, like...

You know, like, to, uh...

like my apartment.

It's a couple blocks from here.

And we would walk,

and I would tell you

a few little elegant, classy jokes.

You know, kind of getting us

a little giggly, a little silly.

You know? And then we'd share

a glass of Burgundy.

- Burgundy?

- Yeah.

We'd bask in the warm, gentle,

romantic yet erotic glow

of, uh, my spacious loft.

And then I would undress you,

and you would undress me.

We'd stand naked before

each other, and we'd kiss.

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